I was scrolling through the realm of Facebook a week ago looking for funny, and sometimes recovery-based, memes to share with my wife. In the middle of my search for joy, I stumbled on an Earth person video that made my blood boil. After I found a couple of kitten videos and one of the people walking into water fountains while watching their cellphones, I settled down.
Still, it irks me when someone who has no idea about addiction creates a diatribe offering suggestions that will get alcoholics and addicts killed. For a few examples of the ignorance of even well-meaning Earth people that you can read, “What Earth People Say Might Kill You.”
This idiot, sorry, individual, made the false claim that people in recovery should man-up and get over themselves and not attend 12-step meetings because that is an addiction. First off, if 12-step meetings are addictive, they are a lot healthier than the steroids this particularly Earth person appears to need in order to man-up. Okay, that was a cheap shot. I’m sure steroid addiction is not a thing….yeah, riiiggghhtt. Still, what’s wrong with hanging out with a group of people in recovery?
Scientifically, it is PROVEN that for addicts and alcoholics, Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are the cheapest and most effective method for long-term sobriety. The most extensive study I found was published by Standford Medicine. You can read that article here. I don’t have a lot of experience with other methods that lead to long term recovery so I will stick to what I know, and hopefully, a few of these reasons will help get a few more of us through the door and save lives.
So, as a person who is uniquely qualified to proudly exclaim that I am a meeting addict, here are my top five reasons of why anyone wondering if they drink or use drugs too often should attend AA meetings.
First, AA meetings save lives. I can literally hear the eye rolls, but it is in fact true. The hour and a half that addicts and alcoholics spend at a meeting is often a time when they could be using, and sadly, dying. Just by spending time at a meeting, a person can learn if he or she needs to put the bottle down and pick up a Big Book. Obviously, just attending meetings won’t keep a person sober, AA is not detox, as my wife shares in her post Young and Sober Part II. However, attending meetings gives sober curious people chance to meet other people in recovery and learn tips on how to manage life without drinking and drugging.
Plus, the best part is that it is absolutely free!
Sure, you can make a donation. The standard in most groups I have attended is one whole dollar. But, I have never gotten the stank eye when I didn’t contribute. I honestly don’t know of another place that I can get help to stay sober and not pay a dime. My time in treatment was 40,000 times more expensive than a meeting.
Due to my own pride, I refused to try an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting prior to a 40+ day stint in treatment. If I had not been so closed-minded and walked through the doors a decade before I actually made it in, I would have saved my family and friends a decade of worry and heartache. I would have saved money, time and saved myself a near-death brush with active addiction. Despite my personal, deeply misguided, beliefs about attending an anonymous group, I found that following the guidance of others is exactly what I needed to get sober.
Second, AA meetings lead to long-term recovery. I know there are many different pathways to long-term sobriety. I am proud of anyone who finds a path that works for him or her. I am your biggest fan. However, I still have not found an easier way to meet people who have 10 or more years sober. I am sure that there are people who have recovered by other means and are still sober decades later. I would love to hear from you! Leave a comment below or email: help@thegratefulnuts.com
Still, in my tiny home group there are five people with a decade or more recovery. That’s 50 years of experience should I run into a problem I have not faced yet, that might be a first step to relapse.
I want long-term recovery, and these people have what I want so I am going to keep them close. Sure a few of the old-timers are ornery and stuck in how things were when they were newcomers, but I have never met an older person who didn’t see the past through rose-colored glasses. Over the years, I have picked up so many tips from people with long-term sobriety; I used those tips in my first year to keep the cravings away, and now I use other lessons to live a happier, more productive life.
Third, AA meetings are the one place I can talk freely about my addiction without judgement. For me there is nothing worse than telling a funny story to an Earth person and seeing his or her eyes widen in shock, fear, and as always, judgment. As much as Earth people say they care for alcoholics and addicts and want us to get better, they really don’t get what makes us tick at all. I need, and have always needed, some place safe to unleash the crazy before it stays in my head too long.
At AA meetings, I get to share my experiences, and confusion, with people who have experienced something similar, if not exactly the same. No one has ever stopped me after a meeting and told me that I was too sick to come back. I have not even seen a person raise an eyebrow at what hair-brained belief I held in active addiction. On the porch before and after meetings, I often trade stories of the insanity that drove me in active addiction, and the end result is a good time with lots of laughter.
Fourth, there is no better place to find friends. I have always had friends throughout my life, even in my worst days of addiction. While some of those friendships still exist, they pale in comparison to the friends I have made in AA. There is a common bound that runs with alcoholics and addicts that is hard to exactly identify and impossible to replace. The bond is not something I felt with my drinking buddies or college friends, it is stronger than the experiences I shared with people I thought would be life-long friends.
From my earliest days in treatment, and for the first time in my life, I felt comfortable without a drink in my hand around a group of people when I met other addicts and alcoholics in recovery. In most ways, we were not in even close to the same, yet our common bond of the struggle with addiction smoothed over our differences. In a way, being a person in recovery is like a cool, secret club with signals only we understand. I have been a lot of places in my 8 years of sobriety, and I can always find a meeting—even on a cruise ship.
The first time I was introduced by a friend to others in recovery whom I didn’t know, my friend simply greeted them, then put his hand on my shoulder and said, “This is Stan. He’s a friend of mine.” The strangers greeted me enthusiastically as if I had become a member of the family. I do admit it seemed like my friend was vouching for me as a new prospect for a gang in a mafia movie, so it was super cool. I relish the chances to do the same introductions today.
If I were to walk in a room filled with people at any random event, I honestly believe within a few minutes I would naturally find other people in recovery. We are drawn to each other. And, I guarantee, we are often the life of the party, because we are not busy worrying about having enough drinks so we can cut loose and be ourselves. What you see is what you get from the time we walk in the room.
The friends I have today, I know, would drop what they are doing and help me when I need it. In fact, my first day out of rehab someone offered to give me a ride to a meeting and we had never even met. Even though I passed on the free ride, he and I are still friends today.
Other friends have offered their help with home projects and helped other members load moving vans. I could have missed all of this if it were not for the rooms of AA. Honestly, I don’t know where else you can find a group of people in recovery and make friends more quickly.
I have been to several AA meetings outside the area where I live, and I always end up talking with someone long after the meeting is over. In just an hours time, no matter where I am, I can start a friendship that will last for years. One of my best friends to this day lives 3,000 miles away. I can call or text and he answers just like we had seen each yesterday instead of four years.
Fifth, and perhaps the most important, AA meetings are the one place where I can help others. While it is possible to see people in the throes of addiction anywhere, I can be the most useful in helping others at meetings. Just by showing up and spending time with someone who is new in sobriety makes a world of difference. By sharing what I have learned about how to handle events where alcohol will be served, or ways to avoid triggers, I can help someone avoid the pitfalls of early recovery.
My first months in the real world after treatment were terrifying. I was so sure that I would never be able to get through life without a drink or drug to help me handle my feelings. I looked at AA meetings as a sanctuary from myself. Often, I arrived early and stayed late talking to others in recovery about anything. Some conversations centered on sports. Other days, we talked about rainfall and crop production. Whether I had a clue about any of the subjects, I was just glad to listen to something other than my own thoughts.
Often, there were bits and pieces of wisdom about how to live sober. I don’t know how many times I heard someone remind me that the only person I can control is me, and that is a big enough job without offering to stick my nose in someone else’s business. To be honest, I still need the reminder.
While those are my top five, there are plenty of reasons for anyone who is serious about recovery to attend an AA meeting. I am sure if you try a few you will find a reason to keep coming back as we say. The worst that can happen is that you gain a couple of stories and perhaps a little wisdom from others. But, if you are an alcoholic like me, you will keep coming back to pay forward what was freely given —a chance to finally live.
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