It’s Hard To Be Humble

Oh Lord, It’s Hard to Be Humble…  a song from Mac Davis, for those of you old enough to remember him from back in the day, that I personally feel, encompasses the alcoholic’s perspective on humility. 

The opening chorus read as:

“Oh lord, it’s hard to be humble,

when you’re perfect in every way.

I can’t wait to look in the mirror,

I get better looking each day…” 

Now Mac Davis, may he Rest in Peace, must have been an alcoholic. In fact, I believe he actually was but that’s beside the point. If you were to do a quick google search, you’d quickly find that not only was Mac Davis not hard to look at but also that he was very aware of that fact, as he can be seen bare-chested in multiple photoshoots and album covers. But hey,” if you got it, flaunt it,” is what I always say!

Being humble, according to good ol’ Mac Davis, is very hard. 

A few months back I put up a post about being humble on our Instagram page. The post was quite simple, just a short quote, with a stodgy background. The quote reads: 

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” 

Thank you, C.S. Lewis, for your words of wisdom. 

Alcoholics are known and characterized by a variety of strongly worded attributes. You’ve probably heard quite a few of these yourself. Allegedly, we’re known to be selfish, self-seeking, self-centered, lying, deceptive, arrogant, master manipulators…

I will neither confirm nor deny this allegation. However, I will admit, that most alcoholics, myself included, are not typically by any estimation… humble by trade. 

It’s a common character defect to have.  We can, at times, display a more than healthy dose of pride and ego in our actions and behaviors, especially in active addiction. 

For me personally, I either felt that I was “The Shit” or a “Piece of Shit.” The best of the best, or the worst of the worst; rarely was there ever an in-between in my mind. Obviously, neither of those things is anywhere close to true. What can I say, feelings aren’t rational. 

Regardless of which side most resonates with you, both ends of that spectrum are saturated with false pride and inflated ego. It took me a long time to understand how thinking I was lower than worm-spit was prideful, but eventually, I conceded that thinking you’re the best at being the worst… is a bit self-centered. 

When I got sober, I was told that my over-inflated sense of self-importance would have to go. I was down with that, mildly confused on how to go about doing it, but I was promised “more will be revealed” so I went along with it. 

Finding sobriety through a 12-step program made this entire “getting” process a heck of a lot easier than anything I had tried and failed at before. There was a path to follow, steps to take, literature to read, meetings to attend, and people to talk to. I was pretty relieved in early sobriety when I realized how helpful this would be while learning how to become humble. 

Turns out, I was wrong. Fellow members of my local A.A. home group…. Not so helpful on the topic of humility. 

Don’t get me wrong, there were and have been several meetings centered around the topic of being humble. There are even several passages in the Big Book, Daily Reflections, As Bill Sees It, and Living Sober about being humble. The odd thing is, no one else seems to know how to be humble or knows what a humble person actually acts like on a daily basis. 

So where does that leave me then? Confused, per the usual, but also hopeful despite the long journey ahead. ( I get confused easily, for another great example check out my post: “One Day At A Time”)

Everything, and I do mean everything, in my journey to and through sobriety has been a process. There has yet to be a single principle, lesson, step, or development that has taken place overnight. 

There have been no items “checked off” a to-do list, no washing of the hands with a “completed task,” and no finish line to cross in the future to alert me that I have “arrived.” 

Understanding what it means to be humble falls into this same category; it’s a process. A long and arduous process at that. 

So in these meetings, readings, and heedings of advice from alcoholics, this is what I have come to learn so far. 

Pride is NOT the opposite of Humility 

Despite what Webster’s Dictionary would have us believe, being humble does not have to mean we have to have a low opinion of ourselves. We can be proud of what we have accomplished, the hard work we’ve put in, and the progress we’ve made. More importantly, we can be proud while also being humble. We can achieve this by being honest with ourselves, with others, and by recognizing that there is still work to be done, and more progress to be made, with the acknowledgment that we’re not owed a parade or accolade for our efforts.

“In all these strivings, so many of them well-intentioned, our crippling handicap was our lack of humility… material satisfactions were simply by-products and not the chief aim of life” (As Bill Sees It p.40)

Humility has nothing to do with humiliation. 

Humility has nothing to do with being humiliated. As it turns out, being humble does not prompt us to be people-pleasing doormats to anyone in the world. It doesn’t require us to make ourselves look like idiots, or not earn “credit” where credit is due. Humility doesn’t involve lurking in the background or being meek and timid in our day-to-day lives. As it turns out…

“We should be sensible, tactful, considerate, and humble without being servile or scraping.” (Big Book p. 83)

If you think you’re humble, you’re not.

An old-timer at my home group, states this every time humility is the topic at a meeting. Chances are, if you think you’re humble, you’re not. Being humble is an action, not a personality trait. Sure, certain levels of humility can be practiced routinely. We can, without doubt, learn to be more humble by default in our everyday interactions, but if we’re confident enough to share how humble we are… we may need to take a look at our premises.

“… humility—a word often misunderstood…. It amounts to a clear recognition of what we do, and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be.” (Daily Reflections p.139)

It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway… I am no expert on this matter. I don’t claim to be, nor do I ever wish to be. My honest thoughts on this matter of humility is that if I ever think that I’ve done a “good enough” job at being humble, I need to consider that I’ve actually stopped being humble in any respect.

Essentially, all I’m saying is:

“Oh lord its hard to be humble,

When you’re perfect in every way.

I can’t wait to look in the mirror.

I get better looking each day.

To know me is to love me,

I must be a hell of a wo-man

Oh lord, it’s hard to be humble,

But I’m doing the best that I can.”

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