How to Ride the Emotional Roller Coaster

Looking back, early sobriety was a magical and wonderful time. I wouldn’t have believed you back then, and if you had told me then that I would miss early sobriety now, I would have called you a bold-faced liar. Despite the newness, wonderment, and pink cloud that comes with early sobriety, I think when you’re in the thick of it, especially those first 90 days, sobriety feels more like a cluster f*ck than anything else. Sure, everything is bright shiny, and exciting at first, but then reality sets in. I remember the constant fluctuation from overjoyed to depressed, excited to pissed off, and energetic to exhausted. The rapid escalation from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows mentally and emotionally is enough to send anyone into a tailspin. So, if you’re new to sobriety, this one goes out to you. I feel for you I really do. I think it’s time we talked about the emotional roller coaster of early sobriety…

Chaos Machine

In active addiction, I was always looking for the next big thing. I constantly pushed the line between reckless and daring, never quite sure if my heart felt like it was about to explode because I was scared or excited. I lived for that out-of-body surreal state of existence; I reveled in the chaos. Perhaps the danger, excitement, and thrill are what I secretly loved about active addiction. Ironically enough, the chaos and constant fluctuation were the exact things I despised about the emotional-roller-coaster-esque nature of early sobriety.

The Emotional Roller Coaster

Early sobriety was a lot like being stuck at the top of a Ferris wheel at the county fair. Except it was worse, way worse. If you haven’t yet hit this phase of your recovery journey, imagine being trapped at the top of a Ferris wheel. Not the worst thing, right?

Okay now, imagine said Ferris wheel spinning 100 miles an hour, and while that’s happening the attendant decides to take an extra-long smoke break and no one else around knows how to stop the ride. Now, you’re in a real pickle. You’re swirling around and around; everything is a blur. This is what I like to call the “emotional roller coaster of early sobriety.”

Sure, maybe it’s kind of exciting at first, I guess. For me this excitement was fleeting though. In seemingly no time at all, I found that I was just kind of nauseous all the time. I couldn’t get any sleep, my anxiety and depression were going haywire, and it seemed like everyone else around me was moving at a normal rate. It was baffling, and I was frequently ping-ponging back and forth between anger, frustration, confusion, and fear. I felt trapped by my own emotions, and it was exhausting.

To make matters worse, from my perspective, no one really seemed to quite understand my duress. My family of non-alcoholic earth people was still trying to wrap their heads around the fact that I was an alcoholic. Members of my 12-step home group kept throwing out fortune cookie sobriety quotes like “this too shall pass,” “it gets easier,” and “don’t give up before the miracle happens.” It was a tad bit annoying, but I guess there was some relief in at least knowing that what I was experiencing was “normal.”

Knowing my feelings were “normal,” however, did, in fact, NOT make it easier to go through. I wanted off this emotional roller coaster, and I swore if I could ever find a way off this ride, I would do whatever it takes to ensure that I never had to get back on. (As it turns out, that part is actually pretty simple, see “Think Beyond the Buzz,” for an explanation of how to stay off the emotional roller coaster).

So, there I was in all my chaos, trying to merely stay afloat in a sea of the wreckage of my past. Bouncing back and forth between my pink cloud and my pity pot, I was riding the emotional roller coaster on repeat for what seemed like an eternity.

Swirling emotions of guilt and shame paired with fleeting moments of pride and excitement before cycling back around to depression and self-loathing. I remember thinking “I thought life was supposed to get better once I got sober…”

Delayed Gratification

The truth of the matter is that it does! Life does get sooo much better in sobriety, just not immediately. Perhaps in some cases, for some people, early sobriety is as smooth sailing as one of those pedal boats on a peaceful pond just outside the fairgrounds. However, just in case it’s not been made clear enough by now, that was not the case for me… at all!

So, when does it change? How long before it gets easier? Is it even worth it?

All great questions! The generic answer to each of those questions are “Soon,” “Soon” and, “YES!” The more accurate answer really just depends, though. I know, I know… not exactly the experience, strength, and hope you were looking for, right? The thing is, is that it’s really different for each person. It all depends on a lot of different factors, such as:  how much and how often you drank, how long you drank, your physical health status, your mental health status, genetics, and so on and so forth.

Look, I’m not a medical doctor, so I can’t give you exact measures of each checkpoint you’ll hit or when you’ll get there. There is however a more scientific explanation for what we go through in early sobriety, and why we end up on the emotional roller coaster to begin with.

The Facts

Allow me to explain. Before you go thinking that I’m some sort of genius, let me preface this section with the disclaimer that while I am sort of a genius, I didn’t come up with any of this stuff on my own. In fact, most of this stuff is information that I received in a handy little packet while I was in rehab. Maybe you heard of it already, or maybe you haven’t, but sobriety is all about sharing what you know helped you. So that’s what I’m doing, let’s discuss this lovely little phenomenon called Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. More frequently referred to by its cute little acronym P.A.W.S.

P.A.W.S.

P.A.W.S. is the medical explanation behind the more commonly experienced emotional roller coaster we addicts and alcoholics experience in early sobriety. Essentially, whether you require a medical detox from your substance use or not, P.A.W.S. occurs as a lovely little aftershock from your initial departure from drugs and alcohol. I like to think of it as kind of like an annoying hangover, sobriety style. You’ve stopped drinking and drugging, and all the toxic chemicals have passed through your system, but the healing process is really only just getting started. So you’re sober now, but your brain and body are still trying to recalibrate to this new way of living.

The good news? This part is only temporary. The bad news? How long this phase lasts really varies from person to person. P.A.W.S. can be as short as the first few weeks you’re sober up to 6 months sans the drugs and alcohol. In severe cases, some of us experience lingering symptoms for up to the first two years of sobriety. (Don’t freak out, this isn’t necessarily the case for you!) More good news: even if you are a “severe case,” it doesn’t mean that you will have severe lingering symptoms, it just means it may take a little longer for your symptoms to fade out entirely. In essence, you might still be on the emotional roller coaster longer than others, but the ride does slowdown in time.

Symptoms

Okay, time to cut to the chase. What are the symptoms of P.A.W.S., that’s what we’re really curious about after all, isn’t it? Right, so here again, there’s another disclaimer that should be noted. Not everyone experiences every symptom associated with P.A.W.S., nor does each person experience their symptoms in the same way.

We may all experience the emotional roller coaster, but mine may manifest as the “Kingda Ka” at Six Flags amusement park, and yours may be more like the “Mad Tea Party” spinning tea cup ride at Disney World. Either way, we’re both on a ride we never anticipated, and it all sucks just the same.

Alright, it’s time to get out your pencils and notebook. Don’t be bashful, see if any of these symptoms might be resonating with your experience.

Some common symptoms of P.A.W.S may include:

All that sounds super fun, right? Yeah, not so much! My biggest question once I figured out what was actually happening to me was “How do I fix it??” Fortunately, or unfortunately, the answer to that is simple… you can’t. While there’s no way to avoid or speed up this part of the recovery process, there are certain things you can do to help yourself navigate and cope with whatever symptoms you may be experiencing. 

Here are a few tips/tricks that helped me through my ride on the emotional roller coaster:

Tip #1: Talk it Out

No one, including me, likes this tip. I hated talking about my feelings. I wanted to “tough it out” and look like a strong and stoic warrior through the entire process of getting sober. What I didn’t want most was to look weak or appear as though I was struggling with any part of sobriety. Newsflash, there’s no award for suffering in silence, and it doesn’t lessen the suffering. No matter which loop of the emotional roller coaster you find yourself stuck on, talk it out with someone you trust. This can look different for everyone, and you get to pick when, how, and with whom you talk it out. For me, I needed a village. I found that by talking to a variety of people (my sponsor, home group members, my significant other, roommate, and therapist) in my support network,  I was better able to get over the hump of feeling like a “burden” by repeatedly “dumping” on just one person.

Tip #2: Give Yourself Grace

Yet again, another golden nugget I used to roll my eyes at in those early days. Per usual, I rolled my eyes, but it worked!! Beating yourself up, pushing yourself too hard, and setting high expectations during the early stages of your sobriety is not recommended. There’s a difference between personal responsibility, martyrdom, and setting yourself up for disappointment. 

Early sobriety is all about growing, and sometimes that means making mistakes. Whether that means snapping at your significant other, missing an important deadline at work, or just plain forgetting little Johnny’s baseball practice… it’s not the end of the world. Berating yourself and beating yourself up isn’t going to make you feel better, or fix the error. Learn to put down the bat, and pick up the feather.

Tip #3: Don’t Overdo It

One of the biggest pitfalls I’ve seen in early recovery is people biting off more than they can chew. I’m guilty of it myself. It’s like once we get sober, we feel like there is so much lost time, wasted money, and missed opportunities to make up for. We make all these big commitments all at once, and then feel defeated when we can’t keep up. Don’t add an extra lap around the track for the emotional roller coaster that is early sobriety. Trust me on this, it’s so no worth it. If you weren’t already going to the gym at 6 am every day, the president of the PTA committee, enrolled in college, or the owner of a business…. maybe now is not the time to add that to your plate. If you were already doing those things, maybe now is the time to consider taking a small step back to give yourself some extra breathing room.

Tip #4: Catch it, Check it, Change it

I can’t express just how helpful this tip has been to me over the years. Yes, I still use this one even to this day! Catch it, Check it, Change it is a little tool I learned during my first year in sobriety. For the most part, the emotional roller coaster had slowed down significantly, but I still had a lot of negative self-talk happening in the toy factory between my ears.

Catch it: Identify when you’re having a negative thought about yourself or a situation that you’re in. (Example: I’m having cravings, I might as well just go ahead and drink now!)

Check it: Allow yourself to explore the negative thought, and ask yourself “is this actually true, or is it just how I feel at this moment?” (Example: Last time I had a craving, I worked through it without taking a drink.”)

Change it: Adjust the negative thought you have by making it a better reflection of the reality of the current situation. (Example: Early sobriety is difficult, cravings a normal part of early recovery, I should probably call someone and share that I’m struggling.)

Tip #5: Stick with the Winners

This tip is often met with a lot of criticism, and it’s not one I mention often in meetings or discussion boards. However, since I have the opportunity to explain the meaning behind it, I feel that it’s a worthwhile addition to this particular post.

Put simply, “Stick with the Winners,” is one of those fortune cookie sobriety quotes that get passed around the recovery community. All I’ve ever taken it to mean is that I should surround myself with people who know, understand, and support me in my sobriety journey. More often than not, those “people” are other sober alcoholics. In my opinion, they are the only ones who can truly understand what the emotional roller coaster truly is. When I say stick with the winners, all I mean is find people who have been sober for a little while.  They know how to navigate all the ups and downs of sobriety. They know a thing or two, because they’ve been there, too!

Essentially, those 5 tips are my go-to for navigating the roller coaster of emotions in early sobriety. Sure, it all could have been summed up by simply saying: “Buckle up, hold on tight, and keep your hands and feet inside the ride vehicle at all times.” But, in all honesty, that never seemed very helpful or reassuring to me.

Even if none of these tips are helpful to you (don’t knock’em till your try’em), understand that it does get easier with time. This emotional roller coaster you’re on does slow down, and eventually, your brain and body will make a full recovery from the damage amassed in active addiction. Like almost everything else in sobriety, time takes time. It’s not fun, and it’s not easy, but it is “normal.”

Thanks for reading!

Be sure to subscribe to our weekly newsletter and never miss a post again!

Like, Share, Comment, and Subscribe Below!

  ↓↓↓

Scroll to Leave a Comment Below!

Blog Home

Share on Facebook

Tweet

Follow us

Save