10 Tips for Your First 90 Days

Ask anyone in recovery. The first 90 days are THE struggle for a newly sober addict or alcoholic. There are a myriad of reasons that those particular days are so acute. Often we have a quick physical recovery and feel better only to find our thinking still fuzzy and emotions bouncing more than a five-year-old on a trampoline. It doesn’t help that most people who find themselves in treatment are rolled out the door in about 30 days to a world they last met in active addiction. Considering most addicts and alcoholics relapse within the first year of a sobriety attempt, setting a solid foundation in those first 90 days is paramount. Here are at least 10 tips that I used in early sobriety to set that foundation.

Before we get to a few tips that I picked up in my first 90 days, I do want to back up and share a little of my experience. I went to treatment because I needed to be medically detoxed from alcohol. For those of you who don’t know, alcohol and benzodiazepines (commonly Xanax and Kolonopin) are the two drugs that will most likely kill you if you quit them cold turkey. While I dabbled with benzos to combat the anxiety that came with ever-increasing amounts of alcohol, I was literally killing myself with booze. That’s one of many pearls of wisdom I discovered in rehab.

I was lucky. My alcohol-addled brain convinced me to go to rehab to prove I was NOT an alcoholic. I got an even bigger break when I was held past the normal 30-day treatment time. That was something I used to jokingly attribute to my conversation about higher powers with my counselor. The truth is that I was just that sick. Still, I had to leave, and I was terrified.

Prior to discharge my rehab set me up with a substance abuse counselor, gave me directions to a monthly group meeting for former patients near my area, and gave me a phone number to a local AA group. I also signed a relapse contract that would reward me with an additional 9-month stay if I drank before I reached a year of sobriety.

Then, a couple of mental health techs “escorted” to the exit. (They didn’t drag me. You have no proof, and my claw marks are not on the door where I hung on for dear life.) One of them reminded me that I would be fine, but to remember to make sure I made 90 meetings in 90 days. From that point, I was out in the cold.

One thing that I believed then and believe to this day is that if left to my own devices I will get drunk. I am that type of alcoholic. Because I have a daily reprieve and nothing more, I need a network of people who are in recovery in my life. With that in mind, as soon as I arrived home at my parents’ house (another story for another time), I reached out to a member of AA.

The person I spoke to would later become a good friend of mine. He explained where to find the night’s meeting and offered to drive me there. He also said he had planned not to go, which shocked me. Alcoholics can skip meetings?!?!?!? Much later, I would discover that the 90-in-90 mantra was never an AA idea. Still, my first tip is to get to all of the 12-step meetings you can during that first year, especially the first 90 days.

Tip #1: 12-step meetings are important in early recovery.

I get that I am a little biased, after all, I recently wrote a post about being a meeting addict. Nevertheless, Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life. Still, there are many reasons 12-step meetings are helpful. First off, I still don’t know a better place to find people in recovery. People in recovery, particularly those who are in long-term sobriety, are my go-to resource for living life sober. They know a thing or two because they have lived through a thing or two. To this day, I still seek guidance from a network of sober people, especially when I encounter something new.

I made over 120 meetings in my first 90 days. In the rooms, I found a new group of friends that had an essential thing in common—staying sober. By bonding with others in recovery, I built trust that I could share whatever feelings I had and would not be ridiculed. Instead, they offered solutions based in experience.

Before, during and after those meetings, I learned new coping skills that helped me change my thoughts from grief over the loss of drinking to hope for a life free from addiction. Simply by listening to others, I learned that I no longer had to drink any problem away. And, from these meetings, I learned several of my remaining tips.

Tip #2: Start each day in the solution.

In those first days of recovery, I learned that my morning routine could improve my chances of avoiding drinks each day. I began each morning by reading some type of inspirational recovery literature. At first, it was the Daily Reflections, but soon I found an online site that had several different quotes and daily recovery readings I that still use today.

I simply read something inspirational and think how I can apply it to my day. It was recommended that I pray every morning, and I tried that for a few days. The readings seemed to work better for me, but please set a routine that works the best for you. Starting each morning focused on living sober and helping others makes the day smoother for me. I rarely have bad days, perhaps a rocky moment, but not a whole day. The readings also creep into my thoughts when I get stressed. In those first 90 days, it was important to remember that I am an alcoholic, and I won’t drink TODAY.

Tip #3: Telephone Therapy

While this may sound like a call to a professional therapist, for me telephone therapy is speaking to another alcoholic each day through talk or text. I left my very first meeting with a three phone numbers from men in the group. I didn’t call a single one. What I did do was begin to text two of them, and other people I met. When I was neck deep in a possible relapse situation, I had one recovery friend to text and two more who would have picked up the phone if I had called.

On more than one occasion, using my phone to reach out to friends in recovery kept me on the road to sobriety. It sounds kind of silly because no one can stop me from taking a drink, but just hearing a calm voice on the line gave me peace. I knew that voice belonged to a person who had my back, and would help me through whatever problem I faced.

One of the secrets of telephone therapy is to call friends in recovery every day. That way, should a temptation arise it is natural to call. While talking to people in person or on the phone were lynchpins in my sobriety. I did have other resources.

Tip #4: Recovery Literature

Reading any and all types of recovery literature was also a big help to me in early recovery. I started with an Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book while in rehab. Admittedly, I read it with the sole purpose of finding an escape clause, but I read the whole book. (There was no escaping the fact that I was an alcoholic. You can read more about that here.) I have read it multiple times since then, picking up ideas for staying sober that I missed the first time through. 

AA literature, including stories from the Grapevine, an AA magazine, have always been a major resource for me, but I have read multiple online recovery articles on blogs and mental health sites. Often, in early recovery, I read to find out as much as I could about my disease and what I could expect as I stayed sober. I also researched different methods of recovery until I realized I had found what worked for me.

The effect of all of my reading is that I learned a lot about addiction as a whole. I also felt like I got to be a part of someone’s life through the stories they shared. A side benefit is that I filled a lot of time, which I had a ton of in those first 90 days.

The next tip is pretty simple…

Tip #5: Changing routines.

“If nothing changes, nothing changes.” It may sound like fortune cookie sobriety, but that AA slogan helped me get out of the rut I had turned into a canyon in active addiction. I knew that I had to make physical changes if I wanted to stay sober. Bars and my favorite convenience stores were firmly off-limits. One of the upsides is that I would have to drive 20 minutes one way to go to the nearest liquor store, and at the time a convenience store near one of the AA group meeting places did not sell beer or wine. That store became my go-to for cigarettes, sodas, and whatever else I needed quickly.

Along with avoiding certain places, I avoided certain people, mostly people I used to drink with. During my first three months free from rehab, I lived with my parents. My now ex-wife lived not too far away, but we had a toxic relationship that could have easily provided an excuse for relapse. I was relieved that I didn’t return home fresh out of rehab, which should have been a big hint to stay away for good. However, I did eventually move back in and managed to stay sober even though our relationship didn’t survive.

Along with people and places, I literally avoided alcoholic beverages in stores and restaurants. I didn’t walk down the beer and wine aisle in the grocery store. I didn’t eat in restaurants that served alcohol or if I couldn’t avoid it, I sat as far away from the bar as possible. I told my doctor, dentist, and pharmacist that I was in recovery and did not want to receive narcotic medication. I even used alcohol-free mouthwash.

I didn’t hide the fact that I was in recovery from anyone. If friends or extended family asked, I told them I didn’t drink and exactly why I quit. It was probably TMI, but I was proud to be alcohol-free and I wanted everyone to try it. Eventually, I realized that my priority had to be my own recovery, but I was chemical-free, joyous, and riding the pink cloud.

At times that joyous feeling was replaced by urges. I did not have physical cravings. I did have urges and I had a trick for defeating those.

Tip #6: Think Beyond the Buzz

My amazing wife, Nina, wrote an awesome article about this tip. You can read about it here. This one really worked for me.

The next tip did not come naturally…

Tip #7: Move

By the end of my addiction, most of my movement happened within 45-feet. That’s how far it took to get from the couch to my stash and smoke a cigarette before returning back to the couch. Once I was finally no longer drinking, buying or thinking about drinking booze. I had a lot of free time. My answer was movement.

I began taking frequent walks, which I discovered calmed my mind and brightened my mood. I helped out my parents at their house completing small tasks like washing dishes. I went to the park in our town. Sometimes, I just went out for a slow drive. Not often though because money was tight.

When it was raining, I would do pushups and situps to make up for the lack of a walk. Each day, I made sure I did some physical activity to give me a sense of accomplishment.

Tip #8: Don’t Make Big Changes

I stand by this tip, though in my case, I didn’t always follow it. I was told to avoid making drastic changes for the first year of recovery. An example of those changes is getting married or moving in with someone you meet in rehab. (Two sickies don’t make a wellie.) That one was not a problem for me, but I did dodge this advice at least once. In addition to relationship changes, some newly recovering alcoholics and addicts will move across the country or buy a new car. Less than 90 days sober, I had the bright idea of buying a 30-acre piece of property. To see how that turned out check out my post, “It’s not About the Money.”

There is a very good reason to avoid big changes in early sobriety. There are already big changes going on IN you. Ever have one of those dreams where you solve a major world problem? Then you wake and it slips away? That was early recovery for me, but I was awake and alert while it was happening. My genius included: buying a new car even though I had no job, moving to Alaska even though I’m from South Georgia, fixing people so that they would understand I’m better sober, and my personal favorite, driving until my car ran out of gas and starting a new life wherever that was.

Seriously, every time I had a good thought, I needed a second opinion. Fortunately, I had a network of people in recovery who had been there and done the same. I am sure they got plenty of chuckles at my expense, but they helped me change ME. That was all I needed to change.

Tip #9: Relax, Take it Easy, Don’t Struggle

Breathe. Just Breathe. I learned, despite my best attempts at trying to do the opposite, staying sober mostly meant keeping me calm and enjoying the ride. In the AA Big Book there is a line on page 86 that says, “We may not [always] be able to determine which course [of action] to take…. We relax, take it easy. We don’t struggle.” I must have read it 70 times before I actually understood the words. I don’t have to solve every problem I have all at once. I can just take time to relax. Just by not taking a drink today, I have WON!

There is no award for most sober! There is no race to the finish line. If I encounter a problem, it’s okay if I don’t solve it as long as I don’t drink or use about it. That’s the key. That’s the win. The house I was in was burning to the ground, and I got out. I don’t need to jump back in and see if it is still burning.

In my first 90 days of sobriety, I kept thinking there was something I could do to make me more sober. I kept thinking that I could get better faster. Finally, near the end of the 90 days, I realized that no matter how I twist and turn, I will always be one drink away from disaster. With that in mind, I decided I needed to relax, take it easy, and stop fighting the calm and joy of living sober one day at a time.

If that joy is still eluding you. There is one surefire way to keep staying sober. That brings us to tip #10.

Tip #10: Help someone

Obviously, if you are brand new in sobriety, there are limits to the experience you can share with others. However, that doesn’t mean that you have nothing to offer. Whenever a hand reaches out for help, take a second and lift someone up!

In my first 90 days, I spent extra time with people who, like me, were newly sober. I gave rides to those who couldn’t drive to and from meetings. I listened to problems and shared solutions that I had heard in meetings or read in recovery literature. I showed up early to meetings to help set up and make coffee. Almost everything I did cost me nothing more than a little time, and I had a lot of that.

The return I got from helping others was immeasurable. It made staying sober easier because I wanted to help more people. I honestly can’t explain what happens or why. I just feel better if I do something or say something to help another addict or alcoholic have a better day. I feel so much better that I want to do it more often. That is one thing that extended well beyond the 90 days. I really, truly enjoy helping others and seek nothing in return. For someone as selfish as I was, this is a miracle.

Today, I do many of the same things I did in those first 90 days, but I also sponsor other alcoholics. I can say that this one tip has done the most in keeping me sober. You don’t have to take my word for it, there is an entire chapter called “Working with Others” in the Big Book devoted to this one topic. By simply offering others a chance to find what I have found, I am carrying on a tradition and saving myself at the same time. Helping others takes me away from problems in my head, it keeps me connected to people in recovery, and most importantly, it reminds me of where I was when I reached out for help.

That’s my top 10 tips to stay sober through those first 90 days. There are no guarantees that anything will keep an alcoholic like me sober. But, these are things that worked for me then and continue working now, more than 8 years later.