WILLPOWER VS WANTPOWER

Today’s post is an interesting topic to write about and discuss. Fair warning, it has a lot of twists and turns. There are several schools of thought on this matter of wantpower versus willpower, and honestly, who knows which is right, or more right?

As always, I will do my best to share my thoughts and experiences with you. However, if I’m being honest, while I have a pretty good idea of how I think and feel about the subject, articulating those thoughts is an entirely different beast. I say all that to say, if you find yourself a bit confused throughout this post, just imagine how I feel. HA!

I suppose the best place to start with this topic is to address the common misconception about alcoholics and their lack of “willpower” when it comes to alcohol. A widely accepted definition of willpower is “the ability to resist short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals.” As alcoholics, when it comes to our addictions, willpower is something that we’re told we do not have. We are reminded regularly that we are “without defense against the first drink,” or even that “our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower.”

What I have come to understand, from the few 24 hours I have put together is that there are two main schools of thought on willpower. The first is that alcoholics have no willpower whatsoever, and the second is that alcoholics maintain proper amounts of willpower in every area of their life other than with drugs and/or alcohol. Engaging in this sort of thinking, supposes that the questions we should be asking ourselves are “Am I lacking in determination to get sober?” “Can I summon enough willpower to get sober?” “How do I find the resolve to stop drinking?”

That’s the real trick! You see, in all actuality, the answer to those questions doesn’t even matter. That entire line of thinking and any of its various retorts are quite simply, irrelevant. (Like I said, confusing, right?)

Now, before you go getting all huffy with me, consider this. Whether you do or don’t have the willpower only matters if you’re still stuck on the problem. If you’re living in the solution (i.e. sober, or pursuing sobriety) there’s an entirely different question you should be asking yourself. That question is, “Do I want sobriety?”

That one simple question replaces all the pointless others. The question, “Do I want sobriety?”, shifts the conversation entirely to WillPower VS WantPower.

For those who have been following the blog for a while, you know that my sobriety journey began with the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Don’t worry though, if you’re new around here and 12-step groups aren’t your thing, this story is for everyone.

After my very first A.A. meeting, discussed in more detail in my post “Young and Sober Part II, I was given a “Big Book.”

Well, to give a more apt description, after the meeting was over, all of those in attendance meandered outside to engage in what I later learned was called a “porch meeting.” Everyone lit up a cigarette and conversations ensued. I was then approached by two older ladies and an old man who cornered me on the dimly lit porch.

Standing a little too close, and breathing cigarette smoke into my face, they greeted me and told me how glad they were to see me. One of the ladies, short of breath from decades of chain smoking told the others to make sure I didn’t leave as she walked out to her truck. When she returned, she thrust a softcover blue book into my hands, and said “read this.”

Considering the fact that I was in South Georgia at a church, and surrounded by old southern folk, I was instantly convinced that I had been given a bible. Uncomfortable, and thoroughly convinced that I had made a poor decision by showing up, I tried to be polite as I planned my escape.

Once I was home, back in my college dorm rather, I plopped the suspected bible on my nightstand, opened a bottle of cheap wine, and poured myself into my bed. Looking over at the book, I noticed that something was missing. Well actually, it appeared that two things were missing. The notorious Gideon stamp and the words “HOLY BIBLE” stamped in gold lettering were absent. The cover was seemingly blank, that is, until I picked it up and noticed to simple words embossed into the soft cover… “Alcoholics Anonymous.”

Still skeptical, but having a slight change of heart about the book itself, I cracked the book open. Now honestly, I think out guest writer Peter had the best description of how this scene unfolded in his story “A New Beginning“: “That night, I started reading the book I was given. Opening to the first pages, I felt the unbalanced weight and thickness in my right hand compared to my left. My journey was just beginning, and I was overcome by the immensity of this endeavor.”

Don’t get is twisted though, I was still a good way a way from being “all-in” with the whole A.A. thing. At this point, I was merely curious and interested in learning more. With bottle in hand, I began reading. Pausing occasionally, to search for another partially full bottle stashed behind a dresser or under the bed, I was nose deep in the book.

As I read the book I noticed a few golden nuggets that seemed like solid inspirational/motivation quotes. Generally speaking, I am an avid reader, and collector of meaningful, unique, or motivational quotes.

As I continued reading through this big blue book, I highlighted, underlined, and circled a few of the phrases. I felt that a lot of the passages shared a good message, but that most of the content thus far could have applied to just about anyone who had ever had a little too much to drink on occasion. None of it was really “resonating” with me so to speak, it was mostly vague and unremarkable. In the event that I came across something that hit a little too close to home, was oddly specific in its description of an alcoholic person, I scoffed and denied it. In essence, I was convinced this book was nothing more than a written word fortune teller, a fraud psychic, for vulnerable people struggling with addiction. Yet, I kept reading…

That first night I made it to the back half of the book that had been thrust upon me. Propped up in my bed, a bottle resting in my lap, I continued to read like the little bookworm I truly am. Let me just say this, I am grateful I continued on. As I trudged through “To the Wives/Employers/Family Afterward,” scoffed through “Women Suffer Too” and “The Housewife Who Drank At Home,” and drunkenly continued reading until I hit the story titled “My Chance To Live.”

If you haven’t had a chance to read that story lately, I strongly encourage you to do so. It’s one of my absolute favorites to this day. “My Chance to Live” explains everything you could possibly need to know about Willpower VS Wantpower. The young woman by whom the story is written was seventeen years old when she entered the rooms of recovery. This young teenager struggled with her addiction, the façade of being tough, and was desperately trying to hide the fact that she was riddled with fear… I felt like in many ways, she was telling my story.

Still, though, I wasn’t convinced. I was determined to make it through this book and have it not apply to me in any way, shape, or form. I kept reading. It wasn’t until I hit the passage on page 315, that I finally had that “Oh Shit!” moment I’ve heard so many others in the rooms describe.

“No one made me drink, and no one was going to make me stay sober. This program is for people who want it, not people who need it. If everyone who needed A.A. showed up, we would be bursting at the seams. Unfortunately, most never make it to the door. I believe I was one of the lucky ones. Not just because I found this program at such a young age; I feel fortunate that I found A.A. at all. My approach to drinking brought me to the jumping-off place described in the Big Book much faster than anyone could have imagined. I’m convinced if I had continued on my course, I wouldn’t have survived much longer…It was my time, my chance to live, and I took it. If there had still been joy in my drinking or even a remote chance of the joy returning, I would not have stopped drinking when I did. No one who drank as I did wakes up on the edge of the abyss one morning and says: Things look pretty scary; I think I’d better stop drinking before I fall in. I was convinced I could go as far as I wanted, and then climb back out when it wasn’t fun anymore. What happened was, I found myself at the bottom of the canyon thinking I’d never see the sun again. A.A. didn’t pull me out of that hole. It did give me the tools to construct a ladder…” Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 315-316

I was dumbfounded. Here I was, right here in black and white. A mirror reflecting my exact same story back at me, and I couldn’t run from that truth any longer. “This program is for people who want it,” I read that passage at least a dozen more times that night, a bit more stunned at is accuracy each time through.

Then it dawned on me, do I want to stay sober? I knew that I probably needed to and that I probably should get sober. I wasn’t so sure that I could get sober, but more importantly, it had never occurred to me to ask myself if I wanted to get sober.

If I had learned anything at all from my past half-hearted attempts at sobriety, and the stories of others I had read in the book, it’s that utilizing willpower to get sober was out of the question. I was going to need something a little heavier duty than willpower alone. I needed some wantpower. Make no mistake I also needed some support, some of those spooky tools we often talk about, medical detox, and few swift ass-kicking’s to get sober, but none of those things would have mattered without a healthy dose of wantpower.

The way I look at it, when it comes to Willpower VS Wantpower, is I can try to will myself all day long into being able to do a backflip. More than likely, at least if history repeats itself with this specific example, I’ll and flat on my back with the wind knocked out of me. That’s how far willpower gets me in this life.

On the other hand, if I’m using some wantpower on this situation, the results vary greatly. When exercising wantpower, whether it be on something as silly as a backflip, or something as lifesaving as sobriety, things change from an innate ability to a learned process.

Remember the definition of willpower, “the ability to resist short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals, that’s something you either have or you don’t.

Wantpower on the other hand, well that’s a different story. Wantpower is something that can develop over time, that can build up, and grow based on a myriad of different events in your life. The thing about wantpower though, is that it does take some effort, and there are a few follow up questions that have to be answered. Do you want it? How bad do you want it? Do you want it enough to do whatever it takes? Do you want it more than what you already have? My answers to those questions became clear in time, but what about yours? When it comes to willpower vs wantpower, which do you think will work better for you?

Thanks for reading!

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