“These things will be hard to do, but you can do hard things.”
-Glennon Doyle
Patting your head while rubbing your tummy and singing the ABCs backward, is hard. Telling the truth when there exists a much more convenient lie is hard. Resisting the urge to finish off the last 3 or 4 Oreos in the pack is hard. Public speaking, navigating large crowds, and losing someone you love is hard. Quitting drinking isn’t exactly a walk in the part either, but it’s not exactly rocket surgery or brain science. While I might not have any life hacks to share about the backward ABCs or overcoming the fear of speaking in front of people, trust me; when it comes to a life spent drunk or a life lived dry; sobriety is the easier softer way.
“Life [Sobriety] is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”
-Confucius
It’s no secret that Stan and I are 12-steppers, some might go as far as to say that we are meeting addicts, but that’s really neither here nor there. It’s been said for decades that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is a simple program for complicated people. Furthermore, the program professes that many of us, in an attempt to get sober on our own, have tried to take the “easier softer way.”
Whether you actively work in the program of A.A. or not, I am of the mind that the “easier softer way” is grossly misunderstood and misrepresented in the recovery community. When it comes to anything in life, there is typically an easy way to do things or a more difficult way to do things. Mind you, there are about a million different options in between, but largely our choices fall somewhere on a spectrum between the previously mentioned binary routes (easy vs difficult). If you’re like me, you’d probably like to think that, when morally and ethically appropriate, the easy route is what you’d choose, right? Well, I’ll let you be the judge of that in your own life. You know you better than I do.
“Now, there are two ways we can do this. The easy way or the hard way, the choice is yours…”
– Every Movie Ever
This line has been quoted in every good guy vs. bad guy film ever. It’s a classic in every action, thriller, and drama sequence ever. It’s the hero being tortured for information to aid the villain in their evil plan, or the villain who’s been tracked down and is faced with the choice to surrender to the hero. You’ve seen it before, whether it’s the hero’s unwavering honor or the villain’s bull-headed pride, it seems that neither side ever chooses the easier softer way of the two options.
Life among us drinking folk seems to be very much the same. In this case, though, what is characterized as the easy way versus the hard way? It’s quite simple, really; we can spend our lives “blotting out the consciousness of our [drunken] intolerable situation,” or we can get sober.
“I didn’t say it would be easy, I said it would be worth it.”
-Lynn Crandall
All things considered, sobriety is simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s “easy” per se. Remember though, we’re not talking about easy vs. hard, we’re talking about the easier softer way.
Planning the next drink takes time and effort. Balancing being just drunk enough but not too drunk, is hard. Hiding and sneaking around to go refill or restock your supply, is work. Lying and deceiving everyone all the time, is difficult. Wanting to cut back, quit, or slow down and not being able to, well that’s just downright fucking miserable.
Sobriety, in its simplest state, is just not drinking. Yes, yes, it it so much more than that to so many of us, but really think for a minute. At the most basic level, what does it take to not get drunk? If you answered: “What is, not drinking, Alex.”, go ahead and submit your application to be a contestant on Jeopardy. To be sober, all you must do is not drink. In that case, when it comes to living life, the easier softer way between the two options is sobriety.
“Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler.”
-Abert Einstein
I’m with Einstein on this one, there’s no need to overcomplicate things. If you’re not chemically dependent and in need of medical detox, the beginnings of your sober journey can and should be simple, all things considered. While it’s not necessarily a death sentence to do so, I wouldn’t recommend complicating your early sobriety by dating in early recovery, reading too deeply into using dreams or caving to cravings. Keep it as simple as possible, remember sobriety isn’t easy, but it is the easier softer way.
“Make it simple, but significant.”
-Don Draper
Simple and easier, that’s the name of the game with sobriety. The simpler it is, the easier it comes, that’s my experience anyway. Oftentimes, “simple” is mistaken for incomplete, insignificant, or elementary, but in sobriety, such concepts couldn’t be further from the truth.
With all this talk of sobriety being the easier softer way, it should be noted that the word easier is also frequently misunderstood in this context. Easier is not indicative of something being easy or most importantly not being difficult. Rather, it should be interpreted to mean slightly less challenging than the alternative. The alternative of course being drunk, miserable and all the other joys of active addiction. Sobriety, by comparison, is simple, which in and of itself is significant, especially if your journey through addiction was anywhere near as miserable as mine was.
“The path of least resistance is the path of greatest progress.”
-Elbert Hubbard
The “path of least resistance” catches a lot of flak in our society. Even Robert Frost tells us to take the road less traveled, as children the adults in our lives lectured us about not cutting corners, and there are plenty of philanthropists who challenge us to “not give up when the going gets tough,” but I’m calling BS on that in this case. There is no “easy way.” There exist no shortcuts to and through life, and certainly not in a life lived sober. In my experience, there is only an unnecessarily difficult path and a slightly easier path. For me, recovery, being sober IS the easier softer way. So, if you feel so inclined, I’d love for you to take it with me.
This was my first encounter with this teaching and I simply love it I understand what it’s saying.
Hey Dee Cee,
Thanks for stopping by the blog! I’m, so glad this post resonated with you in some way. It’s always nice to hear that some of my own experiences and interpretations are relatable and can help others make sense of their own recovery experiences as well. Welcome to the Grateful Nuts Family!
With Gratitude,
Nina — A Grateful Nut