Making A Mess IS Making Progress

The last two weeks or so have been an absolute whirlwind in our household. For the first time, in what feels like forever, the whirlwind has been all good things. Our calendar has been and continues to be chock full of good news, happy events, and joyous occasions. We have family moving down, siblings graduating, home projects starting, semesters beginning, vacations being planned, and concerts being scheduled. As I said… a whirlwind. If I’ve learned anything from the past few weeks of adding and erasing events to my dry-erase calendar, it’s that, in sobriety or honestly even life in general, making a mess IS making progress. Allow me to explain…

For those of you who might be new to sobriety or finding your way back to the sober side of life after a relapse, I just want to warn you, you’re about to feel so seen and heard that you might even skip your next therapy session (Jk, seriously don’t do that).

If however, you’ve been sober for a minute, I’d like to encourage you to think back on those “early days” of sobriety. You know the ones I’m talking about. The days when you were chemical-free but not sober quite yet. The days of the pink cloud when sobriety was still bright, shiny, exciting, and new, but also a cluster-fuck, and an emotional rollercoaster when the obsession with booze and using dreams would blindside you out of nowhere. Yup, those “early days”.  

Do you remember what the people with long-term sobriety used to tell us back then? I do, well at least I remember what they used to tell me anyways. “It gets easier.” That’s what I heard over and over and over again. Anytime I would whine and complain about how bad early sobriety sucked, how foggy and twisted my brain still was, or how my emotions were still all over the place, the simple phrase was repeated on a loop. “It gets easier.” The only thing I remember thinking about it back then was okay, well when? When does it get easier?

See the wonderfully dreadful thing about those types of fortune cookie sobriety quotes is that oftentimes they’re not wrong, but in many cases, they don’t paint the whole picture. In this example, what they don’t tell you is that occasionally, it gets worse before it gets easier. Don’t let that scare you off though, remember the title of this post is, making a mess IS making progress. Stick with me, I can guarantee you that I think it’ll be worth it.

Earlier, I mentioned a few of the things going on in my life today that are contributing to a whirlwind of events I’m living through. One of those events is the renovation of our Master bedroom and bathroom. Now personally, I have a lot of mixed emotions about this project for reasons too complex to unpack in this particular post, but overall, I am excited about it.

For a bit of context, it’s pertinent to know that the master, while attached to the rest of the house, is actually an entirely different section of the house that cannot be accessed without going outside first. Sounds weird I know. The master was added onto the original structure of the house some years ago prior to when either Stan or I lived here. Furthermore, the addition that Stan and I use as a master bedroom was originally set up to function as more of a studio apartment-style space. Yep, it’s exactly what it sounds like. A large spacious room, with a bed, a refrigerator, oven hook-up, kitchen sink, cabinetry, you name it it’s in there. Odd as it may sound, this was a huge help when Turtle (my cat) and I moved in with Stan and his three dogs.

With this setup, “The Turtle,” as I often call her, could have the entire master bedroom to herself and never have to worry about getting mixed up with the dogs who had free-range of the house and the yard thanks to our handy little dog door. It was perfect if I’m going to be quite honest. Sure, there were some adjustment issues at first. Turtle was used to having free roam of an entire house, and the dogs were used to sleeping in the bedroom at night. Everyone had to make some compromises, but by and large, everyone was happy.

Here’s where the mess begins. This house is the oldest house in the entire neighborhood. Initially built in the middle of a pecan orchard as a 1 bed 1 bath for a bachelor, the house is creeping up on a triple-digit birthday in the next decade or so. Throughout the years it’s had several owners who have made their own repairs, quick fixes, renovations, and additions. As it stands now, our house is technically a medium-sized 3 bed 3 bath home.

Living in an old house has its quirks, like the 2 giant inexplicable bolts in the wall hidden behind a mirror in the living room, an outdoor carport laundry space (new to me but apparently fairly common in the south), or the existence of only 2 prong electrical outlets throughout the entire house??? Needless to say, I’ve had my struggles with this house over the few short years that I’ve lived here. Any project, no matter how simple it may seem initially, always requires at least 2 more weeks and at least $2,000 more than I expected.

In moments when my attitude of gratitude has been especially lacking, the phrase “I hate this house,” might escape my mouth on a few different occasions (okay, on many different occasions). Despite my bad attitude at times, I fully recognize what a privilege it is to have a safe, warm, and dry place to lay my head each night. A place to call home is nothing to sneeze at, so many are not as lucky. So no, for the record, I don’t hate this house.

Anyways, I’ll stop beating around the bush and get on with the meat and potatoes of this story. So, this master bedroom of ours, for all of its advantages, has been in dire need of some tender loving care.

Even if we ignore the fact that the entire room is rocking mismatched wood paneling from the 70’s, a hole in the wall from a window unit that was patched with beadboard, and the functional but not quite finished bathroom, there are actually some areas of concern that extend past the lacking cosmetic appeal of that section of the house. For instance, the pretty significant dips and soft spots in the floor, the mold and mildew growing behind the walls of the improperly installed corner shower, or the holes in the baseboards that invite all sorts of cute creepy crawlies into the house. Is it the worst thing in the world? No, but it could use some attention if you can try to understand where I’m coming from.

Initially, the idea for this project started well over a year ago. The thought was to simply redo the bathroom, keep the toilet, shower, and vanity in the same places but go back with a tile shower. About a year or so ago, we had another bathroom (in much worse shape) redone. The crew who worked on the first bathroom was supposed to come back and work on the master. For one reason or another that didn’t pan out like we had thought it might, so here we are starting the project a year later with a different set of guys.

At the time of this writing, the crew is set to begin the demo the day after tomorrow. Keep in mind, the project was originally just about the bathroom. However, it was quickly determined that the soft spots and dips in the floor were more than just a cosmetic issue and a minor inconvenience.

So rather than simply cleaning out the bathroom of all personal effects, the entire bedroom had to be emptied as well. Not the original plan, but, hey, we’re adaptable and not typically the type to complain (for the most part). Now, I don’t know about anyone else, but our bedroom stays pretty full with large furniture, a king-size bed for starters, a decorative sofa, dressers, and a wardrobe. Where did we put it all? Right, most of it is stashed, stacked, and stuffed into various corners, walls, and rooms of the remainder of the house. A few items, bed included, are stored at Stan’s sister and brother-in-law’s new house. Needless to say, our house is kind of a circus at the moment, especially trying to keep the dogs and Turtle separated. 

Here’s where I ask all of the easily over-stimulated people in the audience to raise their hands. I am your type of person. I need space, I need order, and most of all I need structure. Basically, I’m mostly a Type-A personality kind of gal. Stan graciously calls me “fastidious.” I think it’s a secret code he uses instead of calling me high-strung to my face. I am who I am. I can bend to an extent, but too far and all hell breaks loose. So yeah, it’s been a fun process and it’s only just beginning.

Luckily, much like sobriety, this little home renovation is not something we’re doing alone. Stan’s sister and brother-in-law are big into real estate, flipping houses, rental properties, and working on older homes. Individually they are innovative, handy, and more than capable people. Together, they are a true power couple if I have ever seen one. Their experience, expertise, and vision have been an absolute godsend thus far. From picking out tiles and closet organization to optimizing space and installing tankless hot water heaters, their capacity to bring a seemingly impossible vision to life is truly amazing.

While their practical knowledge and wisdom for home improvement have been helpful, it’s their way of seamlessly moving through life that has had the most profound impact. I’m not quite sure how they do it, but from the outside looking in, it’s like nothing throws them off. Whether it’s the cabinet builder who has no idea what he’s doing or their official move-in date for their new home being pushed back two weeks, they just… roll with it. Just last week, they were sharing with us what to expect as the renovation of our master begins. Knowing we’re fairly new to this renovation thing, they were trying to mentally prepare us for what was to come. They said:

“Once the demo starts, you’re going to be amazed at how quickly it goes. You won’t even recognize it. It’ll be a mess, stuff will be everywhere, and you’ll wonder how in the world they’ll ever put it back together again. Right at about the point you’re ready to freak out, things will start falling back into place. Just remember that the destruction must come before the reconstruction. Making a mess IS making progress.”

BOOM! Mind blown… I don’t know if they were trying to be deep or profound in any sense, or if that’s just where my brain takes me, but that hit me in a spot that shook my entire being. Making a mess IS making progress. Think about that for a minute, seriously. It’s so unbelievably true in my life at least. When I first got sober, I was ready for things to start getting better immediately. I wanted to move on and get to the good part. Really, I was hoping for a microwave dinner style sobriety because I hadn’t quite learned that sobriety is more like a crockpot dinner, it takes time.

Surely, I’m not the only one out there who thought this way early on. Oftentimes, once we put the plug in the jug, white-knuckle through the sweats and the shakes, and kick the constant cravings, it’s like we expect everything else to improve automatically. If you are or were anything like me, you didn’t want to revisit the past, discuss wrongdoings, relive traumatic experiences, or process the guilt, regret, and shame. Bring on the sunshine, rainbows, and unicorn farts, please! That’s what I wanted anyway.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you want to look at it, that’s not the way life or sobriety works. The past must be unpacked, and more often than not, it gets a little messy. The good news, much like this home renovation Stan and I are working on, we don’t have to go through it alone. You can’t necessarily put an ad out in the paper announcing “Maid For Hire” to help with this house cleaning project, nor is it a solo mission, though.

The key is finding someone who has what you want, and who has done it for themselves. Someone who knows, from personal experience, that sometimes making a mess IS making progress.