Keeping it Green is Not Always Helpful

When I was in treatment still reeling from detox meds and settling into the horrific reality that I may never be able to drink again, I saw a glimmer of hope in an old Alcoholics Anonymous saying: Keep It Green. Understand, I was a garden-variety alcoholic, but I did occasionally, Keep It Green, by smoking a little of the green stuff. The saying, which is supposed to be a reminder to remember your last drunk, sparked a very dim light bulb in my brain. With no evidence, I came to the conclusion that I would be able to smoke weed as a part of my recovery. They said Keep It Green and I intended to do just that!

For all of 24 hours, my new secret to surviving life had me captivated. Why hadn’t I thought of this before? In my teens, I learned that marijuana is “the good drug.” And, most importantly, weed was not addictive. The guy who told me all of that surely knew, he had been smoking pot for 20 years!

I was full of myths about the magical nature of the plant. I still hear some of the same ones from the students I teach at an alternative school today. Some of the myths are obviously lost in fantasy such as weed being a “cure for cancer.” Below are the myths I have heard most often.

Myth #1: “Marijuana is not a Drug it is A Plant.“

I’m not really sure of the point here. Plenty of plants are also drugs. The first that comes to mind is the cocoa plant that produces cocaine and the opium poppy that produces, well, opium, along with heroin, and all of the active ingredients in pain pills. Tobacco is the most closely related to weed in the form that weed is used most often, but no one denies that it contains a drug as well. At least, no one denies anymore. Perhaps the thought is that a plant can’t be harmful. In South Georgia we have a plant commonly referred to as a poke berry. If you eat it, you can die. If being a plant means being good for you, the poke berry missed the memo. Even in my best hopes, I knew back in treatment, that this myth was busted.

Myth #2: “Marijuana is not Addictive.“

This myth is one of the most pervasive. The belief may come from the fact that marijuana withdrawals are relatively mild when compared to other drugs, and they tend to show up over a longer period of time. Most often, the withdrawals can seem similar to being in a bad mood for no particular reason, and we have all been there. The truth is that weed is addictive. About 1 in 11 weed smokers become addicted and many seek treatment. The rate is higher for those who smoke weed multiple times per week or started in their teens. Having been addicted to alcohol the hope of a mood-changer that was not addictive was hard to ignore.

Myth #3: “Marijuana Promotes Better Mental Health.”

Once again, the belief is unfounded. Marijuana, much like alcohol, has similar effects to a depressant and is often associated with increased depression. If a person already has a mental health issue, weed actually worsens the symptoms associated with psychiatric disorders. On its own, weed can cause increased anxiety as well as short-term psychosis.

Myth #4: “Marijuana is Safe.“

So, there is some validity to this statement. An overdose of weed will normally not be fatal. In most cases and overdose of other drugs can lead to death. However, that doesn’t really make weed safe. A person driving a car while high is twice as likely to be in an accident, and an overdose of weed can cause psychosis. Additionally, smoking marijuana does lead to lung and heart damage overtime. If that doesn’t bother you, the average person who uses weed multiple times per week for an extended period of time actually LOSES around 10-15 IQ points. So instead of using pot to enlighten myself, it is possible that weed made me stupid-er. Marijuana use is also known to have a harmful effect on memory.

One other point that must be made is that alcohol is safe for millions of people. I’m not one of them.

Myth #5: “Marijuana Wouldn’t be Legal if it Could Hurt You.“

This is the one of hear mostly from teenagers. The problem is that alcoholics and addicts know this is a lie. Alcohol and tobacco products are legal and both will kill you. Neither has any positive health effects in the slightest. Legalizing and regulating weed may make it a safer product to use, but safer does not mean safe at all. More likely, legalization comes down to making money, and collecting taxes. But, that is a political discussion, and I tend to shy away from those today. In short, legalization has nothing to do with safe.

Despite all the debunked myths rolling around in my brain, the thought that I could possibly use anything to keep me from facing ME, was the only one that mattered. I was going to be “on the marijuana” as soon as I got out of treatment. Unfortunately, for me, there were multiple weeks remaining, and I had a lot to learn about addiction. Still, I had hope and that sometimes outweighs reality.

Within 24 hours, the thought of being a functioning pothead disappeared in wisps of smoke when our next group discussion covered cross-addiction. As my hopes dashed against the reality that “a drug is a drug is a drug.” I faced the fact that, once I became a full-blown alcoholic, addictive mind-altering substances of any type were off the table.

The Problem with Keep It Green

Through more detail than I thought necessary, I learned that my alcoholic brain will never know how to stop when it comes to mood or mind-altering drugs. Worse, I may find a drug that actually leads me back to drinking. (Later, I realized this had happened when I was prescribed medication for anxiety while in a dry period of active addiction.) With this knowledge now firmly planted in my head, I did what any good alcoholic would do. I pouted.

It felt like I had an easier, softer version of sobriety snatched away from my fingertips. Just as I had latched on to a way to avoid my feelings, I was faced with the reality that I get to feel whether I want to or not. I was full of the “poor ME’s”.

Once I accepted my reality, I got to work on a better solution. Today, I am grateful. I needed a black-and-white definition of sobriety. I know me, and my brain looks for loopholes and grey areas that it exploits into excuses to use drugs and alcohol.

Apparently, This is not the Case for Everyone in Recovery.

Since getting sober, I have learned that the “M&M plan” is different from the hard-shell candies that melt in your mouth but not in your hands. (Okay, if you remember the “candy man” M&M commercials with the guy dancing around holding the little candies in a spot-less, white-gloved hand, know two things. M&Ms will leave your gloves rainbow colored, and you are old.) The M&M plan in recovery stands for Marijuana Maintenance. That is the old term for it. Now, we often hear it re-packaged as “Colorado Sober” or “California Sober”.

There is one question I always ask when this topic comes up.  If I qualify sobriety with a term, then am I truly sober? To me, saying I smoke weed, but am sober is like wearing a dickey instead of wearing a turtleneck shirt. Some may want the freedom of not having to wear the full, long-sleeve turtleneck, but can’t quite make the decision to part with the comfort of keeping their neck covered. Neither one works for me. Honestly, wearing a turtleneck or a dickey is kind of like being strangled by a really week person all day long. (Thanks Mitch Hedberg.)

As with my drinking, I chose my sobriety in an all or nothing fashion. Once I figured out the problem, the solution was simply to get rid of all of it. No pills, no sips, no snorts and no “Keeping it Green.” That is what works the best for me, and I’m not tempted to try something different. The only thing I want more of today is recovery. And so far, that has never been negative.

The Trade-Off

Before I get angry emails, I do want to say that “harm reduction” is a solid goal to set. If I could, I may trade off a more deadly drug for one that has become more socially acceptable and may soon be legal in all U.S. states. However, “harm reduction” does not mean harmless. If I choose to Keep it Green and smoke weed, I am definitely causing myself physical harm, and I may be harming those I love. I learned from my deadly dance with alcohol that addiction is a family disease.

When it comes to my sobriety, I have to do what is best for me. In early sobriety, I avoided places that served alcohol and friends who drank heavily as best I could. I also avoided entertaining the idea that I needed something chemical to help me get sober. Making those choices gave me the chance to have the sobriety I have today.

If I had followed through with my plan to Keep It Green, I may have ended up back in treatment dazed and confused. I may have been alcohol-free right now and living a somewhat “normal” life. I am certain that I would not be living the life I have today, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.