We have a million excuses. Spoke in a million ways in hundreds of languages. The simple question of entering recovery is “What are you waiting for?”
In active addiction, I knew, 100-percent, zero-gray-area KNEW, that I didn’t drink normally. Normal drinkers, if they do exist, don’t go to restaurants for the booze instead of the food. Normal drinkers don’t bring two back-up bottles of wine to Thanksgiving dinner and fill their wine glass at their car. Normal drinkers don’t wake up hungover, head pounding, nauseous and instantly think, “I need to do that again!”
Don’t Wait for the Right Time
Unlike a baseball scout who is recruiting a high school player for the major leagues and claims he “knows” he has found the next Babe Ruth, there was no prognostication needed to see that I needed help. Nevertheless, I waited. I waited, hoping that I was wrong, and my drinking would somehow be normal. I waited because putting the bottle down for good just didn’t “feel right.” I waited because I would not be cool if I didn’t drink. I waited because my life would be absolutely BORING if I didn’t ruin occasions by being drunk.
So, to steal a few lines from Nickelback:
“Are you waiting on a lightning strike?
Are you waiting for the perfect night?
Are you waiting till the time is right?
What are you waiting for?”
Seriously, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
Take it from someone who kept waiting instead of finding a solution, stop waiting now. Go for it!
It took 20 years before I took a leap of faith that was more of a stutter-step stagger into faith, and sought help to overcome my addiction. And, guess what? I didn’t feel the time was “right.” I still wasn’t cool, and I had long given up the idea that somehow I could drink normally this time. My life was limited to drinking bottles of wine, smoking cigarettes and falling asleep on a couch. I only left the house when the wine ran out. The term, boring, does not even come close to describing the monotony that my life had become. If you are questioning your drinking, stop now, and make a change. There is no need to waste anymore time.
“Are you waiting for the right excuse?
Are you waiting for a sign to choose?
While you’re waiting, it’s the time you lose
What are you waiting for?”
Don’t Wait to Heal
Over the last 8 years that I have been in recovery, I have found what I had been searching for in those bottles all of those years. I get to be a part of my life instead of a spectator who hopes that the show will have a happy ending. In active addiction, I was covered in the illusion of being in control of everything, when I couldn’t even control how much I drank. In recovery, there is no illusion. I am comfortable knowing that I don’t control everything. Also, the one thing I can control, my actions, aren’t totally dominated by fear and booze.
“Don’t you wanna learn to deal with fear?
Don’t you wanna take the wheel and steer?
Don’t you wait another minute here
What are you waiting for?”
Whatever challenges I face today, I can face without wondering if I would have made the same decision if I had been sober. I no longer have to miss conversations at family functions because I need to slip away to refill my never empty booze glass. My friends never have to wonder if anything I say is “just the booze talking.” I can take responsibility for my actions, and I remember every detail of every victory or failure. I can be scared, feel vulnerable, feel accomplished and be elated without a single chemical to bring me up or down. There is no word to describe the overwhelming feeling of freedom from addiction. So, what are you waiting for?
Do I have everything I want in life? No. Do I ever feel like giving up and leaving everything I own behind to enter the wilderness and live off the land as nature intended? Yes! However, nothing, and I mean not a single thing, is worse now that I am sober.
Instead of constantly chasing something I can’t reach like a dog chases a Ferrari, I find joy in what I have. I can focus on the moment right now instead of worrying about how to pay for credit card bill from last night’s trip to the bar. I can accept that nothing in my life has to be perfect for me to be perfectly happy.
“Don’t you want to spread your wings and fly?
Don’t you really wanna live your life?
Don’t you wanna love before you die?
What are you waiting for?”
Don’t Wait to Be A Badass
For most of my years in active addiction whether it was heavy drinking, binge drinking, partying hard, or occasionally doing drugs with my friends, I thought that I was living it up. I thought that I had an inside scoop on the best way to live life. I thought that I was tough, cool, a badass who could hold his liquor and still be successful. The truth is that I was a scared little kid hoping to hide all of my insecurities behind a waterfall of booze. When I stepped from behind the waterfall is when I became the badass I always wanted to be.
I didn’t get there on my own. It was a battle, especially in the first year, to stay the course. Still, each day I kept taking the next step further from taking a drink. With each step, I became a little stronger. With each emotional test, I found that I could feel my feelings and no longer had to run from them. I stopped waiting for the “time to be right,” or to “feel right” before making a decision. I just (gasp) made them. If I fell, I got up. If I succeeded, I celebrated without a drink or drug. I literally get to live with my eyes and arms wide-open ready to embrace what comes next. And, I am loving every minute of it!
Join me! Be a part of something greater. Reach out, ask for help, and I, or others like me, will show you the way. You can do this!
What are you waiting for?
“You gotta go and reach for the top
Believe in every dream that you’ve got
You’re only livin’ once so tell me
What are you, what are you waiting for?
You know you’ve got to give it your all
And don’t you be afraid if you fall
You’re only livin’ once so tell me
What are you, what are you waiting for?”–Nickelback
