Secrets Exposed: Sometimes Sobriety IS Boring!

Here’s the thing no one tells you when you’re first getting sober. Maybe it’s a well-guarded secret because it’s such a taboo concept, or maybe they don’t tell us early on because it’s simply too unbelievable. Either way, I’m not big on secrets, so it’s time for the big reveal. You might want to sit down for this one… here it goes. Sometimes, sobriety IS boring.

In active addiction, my life was total chaos. I lived in a constant state of disarray, excitement, and drama. Everything was a big deal all the time. Something “exciting” was always happening. Whether I was evading police to avoid a DUI, sneaking booze past watchful eyes, or attempting my best impersonation of a high-wire act as I walked the fine line between too drunk and just drunk enough; there was rarely a dull moment. Then I got sober, bounced around on the pink cloud for a bit and then all the chaos came to a screeching halt. After being sober for a few years I have come to realize that, when compared to active addiction, sometimes, Sobriety IS Boring.

Now, I know what some of you are probably thinking, “Nina, why would you say something so brave, yet so controversial??” “Brave” is probably a bit of a stretch, but controversial well that’s probably pretty on point.

Some say that boredom in recovery is a sign of complacency or of being stagnant in your sobriety. Others would speculate that being bored shows a lack of action or growth. Personally, I don’t ascribe to either of those ideas. I guess that’s the cool part about having my own blog, I can share my experiences, thoughts, and opinions as freely as I choose. I can be as honest, vulnerable, and open as I feel inclined to be. So, here goes nothing, or everything, depending on how you look at it.

The past 9 ish months, since starting the Grateful Nuts, has been an amazing journey. After years of not writing anything more than research papers, and analytical papers for college courses, being able to get back to creative writing has fulfilled a dream that I’ve had since I was a young child. More importantly, getting back to writing has given me the opportunity to view my sobriety through a whole new lens; ever-deepening my perspective and gratitude for each person, challenge, and lesson I’ve encountered along my journey so far.

As I continue to grow through each phase of development in sobriety and life, more is being revealed. It’s as beautiful a process as it is mystifying, and I find myself in a state of inexplicable awe.

Most recently, I am coming to the realization of how all together boring living sober can be. I know that it’s something that I’m not supposed to say out-loud, but it’s the truth. Sometimes, sobriety IS boring, and boring (excuse my language) is a total fucking privilege today.

Just recently I was taking advantage of some quiet time here at the house. I didn’t have work, my phone was pretty dry, and most of the usual chores around the house were complete at the time. So, I took a second to just sit, be still, and relax.

That second turned into a moment, which turned into an hour, which then extended throughout the better half a the afternoon.

…

The thing is, that here lately, just about any free moment I have is spent writing, editing, formatting, networking, or creating content for “The Grateful Nuts” in some capacity. While it’s not particularly difficult, it can become very time-consuming. Time, I’ve learned, is a precious commodity, a non-renewable resource that should be utilized efficiently. So, when something requires a lot of time, it’s important for me to pause and reflect… is this worth my time?

In any case, that afternoon break was something that I didn’t even realize I needed. As I sat on the dusty yellow seat of our lawnmower, my mind wandered to what topic I might write about for my post this week.

Then as the spring breeze chilled my skin to the point of goosebumps, I would move back inside to the rarely used dining room table and seat myself in front of the large bay window overlooking the grassy backyard. As I sat there smiling to myself about the little dirt paths created by Molly and Bulleit, I pondered what big lesson I might recount to whoever comes across the blog this week.

After the not-so-padded padding in the dining room chair flattened down, I moved to our shaded living room sitting lazily in our blue recliner, legs propped over the arms of the oversized and too-old chair. There I found myself bewildered by the fact that anyone ever reads anything I’ve written, because honestly, what the hell do I know?!?

The trail of movement continued and cycled back around, with the change in pattern of an occasional cigarette, paired with a glass of sweet tea. I began to ask myself what the point of all this was, and if anyone at all really cared.

I questioned whether my writing had any meaning, and decided all on my own that it didn’t. I was tapped out of topics, convinced that there was nothing new or exciting to write about. I had no new epiphanies or stories of challenges that I had overcome.

What’s the point of writing if there was nothing to “entertain” you all with? After all, that’s what you come here for right? Experience, strength, hope, and entertainment. Perhaps even tips on how to stay sober, or guidance on how to navigate common obstacles faced in a life lived sober. Well, I was fresh out of ideas, and just about ready to do a curtain call on this whole chapter.

Many of my posts so far have been retrospective, a window into everything that’s unfolded in my journey thus far. The truth is, I struggle to write about present-day events in my life. Not for any other reason than mostly that my life is pretty “normal” nowadays. I could even say that my life in sobriety is pretty boring as of late.

Yeah, that’s exactly it, boring. I mean seriously, what profound wisdom or insight can be retrieved from my daily life as it stands now?

Who would want to read about my most recent obsession with houseplants, my thoughts on the weird South, Ga spring weather we’re having, or the fact that no matter what day I decide to go grocery shopping I inevitably get soaked by pouring rain? (Wet t-shirt contest anyone? HA!) What’s exciting or entertaining about that?

It wasn’t until Stan arrived home from work, and I was able to share my thoughts out loud that I found the inspiration for this post. Well, inspiration might be taking a bit too much liberty with the use of that word, but hopefully, you get my point. In any case, I decided that the point of this post, at this moment, as I write it, and as you read it, is to simply share where I’m at.

At this phase of my development, I’m not quite humble enough to say that I don’t care if anyone reads this. However, I’m also not quite wrapped up in people pleasing enough to care if you think it’s stupid, boring, too wordy, or has enough grammatical errors to make your head spin (all of which are comments we’ve received before).

So honestly, if you were looking forward to some profound wisdom, witty recollections from my early sobriety, or anything remotely applicable to what you’re currently experiencing in sobriety… you’re probably disappointed. For that I do apologize, I’ve definitely changed it up this week, without much warning. That’s without a doubt, on me, and I’ll own it.

With that being said though, I think it’s been important for me to come to terms with the fact it’s okay that sometimes, sobriety IS boring. I could easily give you the impression that sobriety is always big and exciting, that there’s constantly some big lesson unfolding, or provide some confrontational commentary on frequently debated sobriety topics but that’s just not real life.

Eventually, there comes a stretch of trail in which sometimes, sobriety IS boring, and that’s okay. It doesn’t last forever. As with any other season of life, it ebbs and flows. After a while, being sober is something that just happens naturally, without much thought or effort.

That’s how it’s happening for me anyway, I’m sure it will pass but right now I’m going to enjoy it. I don’t need nor do I want everything to be big, exciting, or profound all the time. I’m okay with the minutiae, the mundane, the slow but steady pace. I’m no less grateful for my sobriety and the impact it’s had on my life. I don’t take any step of this lifelong process for granted, I have just learned to graciously accept that sometimes, sobriety IS boring, and it’s not a bad thing.

Thanks for reading!

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