Beware of the Barbershop

Estimated read time: 6 min

Today’s post is what I like to call bite-sized, short, and sweet (like me)! The topic, like most of my references to recovery sayings or lessons I have picked up over the past few years, is completely unoriginal. What I do love about recovery, 12-step rooms, and sharing with others who are the same kind of different as me, is that we all perceive things differently.

In a meeting, the chairperson introduces a topic, and more often than not the word, concept, or phrase is something each person has heard half a dozen times. But at that moment, in that hour meeting, your understanding of that word or phrase is slightly unique, not only to the interpretation of others, but to any other interpretation you yourself have ever had. In fact, your interpretation here, right now, at this moment, is different from any interpretation you’ll ever have in the future. It’s all about the “church of right now,” as a good friend of mine likes to say. So, let’s just jump into it!

If you have ever found yourself: in an anonymous 12-step meeting, a group therapy session at an inpatient facility, or watching Denzel Washington’s commencement speech at the University of Pennsylvania on YouTube (circa 2011), you may be familiar with the phrase: “if you hang around the barbershop long enough; sooner or later you’re going to get a haircut.” 

Maybe you’ve heard this expression a million times. Perhaps, you’re new enough to the game that this is your first time hearing it, at least in this context anyway. My un-expert tip: If it’s your first time hearing this, it certainly won’t be your last. Either way, what is it supposed to mean, and what does any of it have to do with recovery? Barbershop… haircut… sooner or later… huh?

I’m so glad you asked; here are my top 3 takeaways on this saying:

1. If the primary service provided is not serving me or my recovery… I’m not going to be there. As a person in long-term dual recovery, I use this strategy quite often. If my goal is to not drink, I’m not going to hang out at bars. If I’m trying to maintain my mental health, I’m not going to engage in activities or behaviors that are harmful to that goal. It’s just that simple, you don’t go to the barbershop unless you’re there to get a haircut. 

2. I am the company that I keep… turns out parents and teachers had a good point when I was growing up. While I don’t necessarily agree with the context it is often used in, or the implications associated with the lecture that inevitably ensued, they really were on to something. Imagine that, HA! When first joining this life in recovery I was told that in order to be successful, I had to change people, places, and things.

If I’m going to get and stay clean and sober, I’m not going to be around people in active addiction. I mean, it makes sense really; I don’t imagine many drug addicts get clean in a trap house (well.. I can think of one actually), or that alcoholics that work in a distillery get sober, but maybe I’m wrong? Really though, take a moment to think about it from the disease or illness aspect. If you are immunocompromised, would you willingly put yourself in a position to get sick with strep throat, a stomach virus, or some other contagious illness… probably not. In fact, I would hope that I would stay in a fairly clean, healthy, and semi-sterile environment whenever possible.

3. Clichés are clichés for a reason… it’s easy to roll our eyes, scoff, or disregard silly sayings we hear in the rooms or recovery circles, but what if we took the time to really think about why they’re so often repeated. When I pause and reflect I oftentimes discover that it’s the simplest of things that make a profound impact on my life and recovery.

Like most things in recovery, the concept is pretty simple, but unlike many things in sobriety, this is also a fairly easy suggestion to implement into my daily life. For me, I wasn’t really the bar-hopping or partying type. Do I eat my meals at restaurants that serve alcohol? Sure, but I don’t sit at the bar! Do I attend events, like weddings, that are often drinking occasions… honestly no, but that’s mainly because most, if not all my friends are in recovery anyway.

What I have always been told is that we don’t get sober to continue missing out on life, important events, special occasions, and exciting opportunities. No one is suggesting that we hide in our respective homes and avoid life outside of the rooms due to the existence of alcohol in the world around us. That would be absurd!

What they do suggest, is that as a person in recovery, know your triggers, be prepared, and understand that it’s easy to stray away and get caught up in a sticky situation in which a drink may seem like a viable option. In recovery, especially early recovery, it is simpler to avoid situations where the temptation to pick up a drink or drug is convenient. More simply, if you think you have a good idea or a justified reason for being around a mood or mind-altering substance… get a second opinion!

Like I mentioned earlier, this post isn’t meant to be incredibly deep or introspective, just simple. Keeping things simple is not always the easiest thing for me to do, as I tend to overthink just about everything. Sobriety, however, has helped me to understand that not everything needs to be overanalyzed, dissected, and understood in its entirety.

I don’t always need to know why or how something works as long as I know that it works. With that being said, I think that about sums it up. If nothing else, maybe you learned a new slogan to add to your spiritual toolkit, “if you hang around the barbershop long enough; sooner or later, you’re going to get a haircut”.

Listen, if it hasn’t become abundantly clear, I don’t have a monopoly on this recovery thing, and my experiences aren’t necessarily the experiences of everyone. That’s the beauty of the human condition. Maybe you found something you resonated with, or maybe you have an entirely different take on this saying. Either way, let us know by dropping your experience, strength, and hope in the comment section below!