A few years ago, I stepped out of my comfort zone and made a commitment to be unashamed of my status as an alcoholic. I learned very quickly that my “diagnosis” was nothing to be embarassed about, after all “sober” isn’t a dirty word! Through my time in residential treatment, I learned about an organization in my state that trains and employs people, like me, who are in recovery to become Certified Peer Specialists (CPS). To clarify, yes it’s possible to be employed for no other reason than the fact that you struggled with addiction, and are now clean and sober.
The first time I heard of this CPS role, I was less than 30 days sober. Right then and there, I set my intentions to complete the training. About a year or so later, I found myself employed at an agency that was looking for a Certified Peer Specialist for their treatment team, so I applied for the job. I wasn’t technically qualified, but I decided to shoot my shot. It paid off, and I was hired under the condition that within the next 12 months, I would acquire my certification. It was time to get busy.
The application process for CPS training was long and to be honest, a little complicated. They wanted letters of recommendation, two-rounds of interviews, a personal testimony, and so on and so forth. It took several weeks for me to even get my application packet prepared and mailed off, but I did it. Several phone calls, interviews, emails, and role-play scenarios later, I was accepted into the training.
Ironically enough, the training itself took less time than the application process. I was shocked to learn that it was only a 2-week training course. What they didn’t mention is that it was an intensive 2-week course that went about 8-10 hours each day. The training I was accepted to was not offered locally, so a commute and a hotel stay were required for the duration of the training. Luckily, due to my position at my employment agency, most of the costs associated with the training were covered. So, off I went!
Looking back, I can honestly say that those two weeks were perhaps the most inspiring, empowering, and eye-opening two weeks of my entire life thus far. You’d think that a certification training would be all about professional ethics, laws, regulations, and monotonous droning on and on for hours on end. While there was some of that, what happened in between those less fun sessions was the real meat and potatoes of the whole thing.
Essentially, the whole training and certification was designed to teach recovering people, not only how to take ownership and pride of our own recovery, but to show us how to share our lived experiences, effectively and professionally, with others who are struggling with and/or just starting their own recovery journey’s. It was as intensive and educational as it was uplifting and enlightening.
At the end of the training, there was a ceremonial graduation of sorts, prior to the exam that would come a few weeks later. Each trainee was emboldened to prepare a 2-3 minute “elevator speech” to depict each of our respective journeys. Mine, went a little like this:
“Hello, my name is Nina and I am a person in long-term recovery. What that means for me is that I am a person first and that MY struggles are a part of WHO I am but they are NOT what I am. For a long time, I believed that all my struggles were self-inflicted. Society taught me to believe that as a person who struggled with addiction, my sole problem amounted to a series of poor life choices, and honestly, I believed that was true to a fault. Today, however, I appreciate the beauty in being able to stand tall and say YES I fell apart BUT I survived. Today, I am no longer paralyzed by fear, guilt, or shame. Nor am I overwhelmed by life itself. Today I take action; with confidence, and clear eyes, I can honestly say I am proud of who I am and how I live my life. Today I can love and be loved. I can forgive and be forgiven. Today I am healing by living my life one day at a time. So yes, I am an alcoholic, I’m not perfect, and I have made my fair share of mistakes; but there is also so much more to who I am than that. Today I stand before you as Nina, a person in recovery from being human. Today, I am living proof that we DO recover!”
A little corny perhaps, but sometimes when speaking from the heart, that’s how it goes. I wrote that speech well over 4 years ago. It was before Covid, before getting married to Stan, before re-enrolling in college, and only about a year after I left inpatient treatment. I’d like to think I’ve come a long way since then, yet everything in that speech is still true. When I take a moment to reflect on that, I can’t help but wonder “Why is that?”
If we fast forward a little bit to my next place of employment, (Yes, I did in fact pass the certification exam and did/still do officially hold the title of Certified Peer Specialist), that brings us to the present day. In at least one of my jobs, I do still work as a CPS albeit, under a different position than the first agency mentioned. Today, I am employed at the organization (GMHCN) that sponsors the Peer Specialist project in my state. Yup, kind of cool right?
Anywho, my current title there is Double Trouble in Recovery (DTR) Facilitator. To keep the job description brief, I host support meetings for individuals living with both a mental health diagnosis and addiction challenges (Hence the whole “Double Trouble” thing). In short, very similar to other support group models, we share our experience, strength, and hope on a wide range of recovery-related topics. Hang in there, we’re getting to the good part…
Similar to other peer-based recovery groups, DTR has multiple readings that operate as the meeting “opener”. Among these readings includes DTR’s version of the Preamble, How it Works, the 12 Steps, the 12 Traditions, The Promises, and last but not least “On Recovery”. Allow me, if you will, to share that reading with you. If you’re anything like me you have never heard of such a thing, but then again, maybe I’m the one living under the rock here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It goes like this, On Recovery:
People who are in Dual Recovery are compelled to walk a long and narrow path. When we go out of control with our substances of choice, we become lost. If we ignore our doctors, our therapists, and misuse our medications our path becomes very dark indeed.
In our fellowship, we band together for common good and recovery. With an open-minded understanding for each other, we honestly expose our problems and our weaknesses. The humility we show shall never mask the courage it takes to admit who and what we are as together we find the hope and strength that makes our narrow path into a wide road that leads to peace, serenity, and a meaningful life.
Therefore, working the Double Trouble Twelve Steps and regular attendance at DTR and other appropriate self-help groups will help us gain the rewards of sanity, serenity, and freedom from addiction.
Double Trouble invites you to join us and continue or begin your mental, physical, and spiritual Recovery.
If that’s your first time reading this passage, I ask that you simply pause and read it one more time. Did you get goosebumps? I know I certainly did the first time that I heard it. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it at first, but there was something about it that really resonated with me.
After attending a few of these foreign 12-step meetings, I was still very intrigued with this particular reading. I found my own copy and broke it down piece by piece. Then it hit me, “The humility we show, shall never mask the courage to admit who and what we are…” Who and What we are?? Once I isolated that sentence, it kept rolling around in my head. WHO and WHAT we are, what was that supposed to mean I wondered…
It was in a moment of meditative contemplation (and talking to myself, as one does) that I remembered my elevator speech from training those few years ago. I paused to ask myself, who and what am I? As it turns out, I had already, in part, answered this question in my speech.
As addicts, alcoholics, recovering people, or whatever adjective you prefer, we often face societal shame, guilt, and heavy stigma. I mean let’s face it, to the outside world, the term “alcoholic” doesn’t typically elicit warm fuzzy feelings.
While I’d like to say that what others think about us should matter or an even bolder statement, doesn’t matter, is kind of a crock of sh!t. Most days what other people think of me as a recovering person doesn’t cross my mind, BUT on the rare occasions that it does, it is bothersome. More important though is how it affects how we see ourselves.
It’s no secret that much of the world views us as low-lives, scum, junkies, or master manipulators, and while I am all about breaking the stigma through education and spreading awareness, it really starts with us first doesn’t it? What internalized burdens, stigmas, or shame do we carry about ourselves? How do we view who and what we are as recovering people? At the end of the day, that’s what matters most, isn’t it?
As one of my peers always says in group, “I’ll sum this up in 30 seconds or less” (which secretly always means 3-5 more minutes). I can’t tell you how to feel about you; I can’t tell the world how to view who and what we are, but I can voice where I stand on who and what we are.
When it comes to who I am, it’s simple. I am me. Similarly, I am all the different parts of what make me, me. The good, the bad; the past, present, and the future. As far as what I am, that’s a little more complex. I am an alcoholic, a recovering person, a lazy perfectionist, a daughter, a student, a wife, a friend, and a sister.
To keep things honest here, I am also sometimes a liar, a cheater, a deceiver, and a hypocrite. The list could go on and on forever. In fact, it will go on and on as long as I live, and as long as my memory is kept alive by those who live after me. So what does that make me? In a single world, if you combine all of it together, I’m human. That’s me in a nutshell, who and what I am is, human.
Humans are complex creatures, and if you’re human-ing as hard as you can and that’s the best you got today, then that my friends, is pure courage. It’s not easy to overcome obstacles, fight “inner demons”, love ourselves, help others, heal, or navigate all the other curve-balls and shit-storms life brings our way. You’re human, so am I. That’s who and what we are, and we’ll figure out the rest as we go!
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Loved this article! Still discovering the who and what I am on this side of sobriety and hopeful about the future but struggling with how to get my personal “elevator speech” to honesty and succinctly explain my journey. This really helped!
Hey Lynette!
Thanks for stopping by and reading my post, I’m so glad you were able to relate. Finding ourselves is a life long process, for me getting sober was just the start!!