If you are newly sober, the Christmas Season can seem like a minefield waiting to set off a relapse. Even recovery veterans often mention the fleeting temptations to have a drink at office parties or family gatherings. Something about the season gets us all “kerbobbled” as Cindy-Lou Who would say. But, there are definitely ways to save your sobriety and make the most of the holiday season. For me, there are 12 tips I follow to ensure that my sobriety doesn’t unravel during Christmas.
These are tips that everyone can follow to help strengthen their recovery when temptation seems to be knocking at the door any time of the year, but, especially during Christmas. The Christmas season brings more than its fair share of ups and downs, with special regard to memories, celebrations, and expectations. With that in mind, here are 12 of my favorite tips, in no particular order:
Tip #1: Keep Your Support Close
First and foremost, I make extra time to spend with my support network. I attend 12-step meetings regularly, but during the Holidays, I make sure to squeeze in a few extra meetings. I want to make sure I have time set aside to share whatever feelings are drummed up during the hustle and bustle of gift-giving and receiving. If you don’t attend 12-step groups, be sure to reach out to sober friends or make extra time to spend with accountability partners.
I will normally make sure I add an extra day a week to my meeting schedule, which is fairly easy to do. I also try to increase contact with my friends in recovery through phone calls or texts. The bonus is that I get to send holiday greetings with my phone calls, and ensure I add a special touch before my Christmas card arrives.
Staying in contact with my friends in the program has the added bonus of whisking away feelings of the blues or loneliness when the holiday excitement has died down.
Tip #2: Rest
I make sure to make time for rest. For me, it is easy to get caught up in the list of things I want to do and places I need to go during Christmas. I am a last-minute shopper for the most part, so while those who prepare are relaxing at home, I still find myself running from shop to shop to find the last-minute gifts that I have forgotten to buy.
Still, I make sure I have time to get plenty of rest. If I need a nap, I take it. I try to get to bed at a reasonable time, and I allow myself the luxury of sleeping in on days off. No alarms needed. I don’t want to get overly tired because that leads me to being restless, irritable and discontent. Any one of those feelings can lead me one step closer to having a drink to cure my ills.
Tip #3: Find Free (or at least cheap) Fun!
My wife and I love to ride around looking at Christmas-light displays this time of year. Most often, we grab two large cups of Chai Tea and head out in search of the best neighborhood displays or drive to annual larger Christmas light displays nearby.
We love the lights and it is a cheap way to enjoy the season. We are only out of the cost of gas and tea. Most importantly, it also gives us time to decompress, away from, family and friends.
The Holidays are also a good time of year to visit state parks or travel to the beach. The crowds are often smaller than the ones you find at either of those places during the summer months. In some cases, you can have your own private park if you’re the type who enjoys cooler weather.
Whatever I choose, I try to escape the overstimulation of crowded stores or stalled traffic at least twice as Christmas approaches. I’m sure if you look around your area, you can find places to go to get away that won’t put a kink in your holiday budget.
Tip #4: Avoid Gatherings Where Drinking is the Central Goal
This goes without saying, but sometimes you may get surprised. See my post, “Don’t Get Fried at a Cookout” for tips to help you should you need to be at one of these events. The main idea is that I don’t really need to be at places where the goal is primarily to drink alcohol. I stay out of bars and avoid parties that include open bars. Should I need to attend an office party, I try to arrive a few minutes late, and leave a little early. That way, some well-meaning normie doesn’t try to “heighten” my Christmas cheer by repeatedly offering me drinks.
Tip #5: Eat (As Healthy as Possible), but EAT!
You might not know it by looking at me, but when I have a lot to do during the day, I sometimes wait way too long to eat. Then, whatever I do eat falls somewhere in the category of pure garbage or one level above artery clogging. This year, I am planning to avoid that misstep.
I am a big fan of citrus fruit salads, plenty of vegetables and mixed nuts during the holidays. Making sure to have some healthier foods on hand gives me options for a quick snack that I don’t have to pick up at a drive-through. It also keeps me out of one more danger zone for my sobriety: being hungry. (I learned early on, that if I get hungry, I tend to have less patience and serenity.)
Making sure I eat, and eat healthier is a priority during a time when sweets of all shapes and sizes abound. Don’t get me wrong, I will have a generous share of chocolates, cookies and other holiday goodies, but I do try to make sure I get some real food, too!
Tip #6: Breathe
I know it sounds simple and just about everyone does it automatically, but breathing, especially deep breathing, is necessary for me during this time of year. When I get frustrated, I distance myself and take a few deep breaths to reset my mind.
Whether the turkey I’m cooking catches fire or that one aunt never stops explaining how she thought I would be way more successful than I am now (*sigh*), taking a few deep breaths to think before I react saves a lot of amends making.
If you don’t already practice deep breathing exercises, they are awesome for relaxing before bed or anytime I need my emotions to come back to reasonable control. For a sample of deep breathing exercises to practice, click here.
Tip #7: Forget Being Perfect
There is no PERFECT Christmas. Say it with me, “There is no PERFECT Christmas.” Before you wind up in your own rendition of a Griswald family Christmas and take a chainsaw to your neighbor’s tree, stick to the basics and a budget this Christmas. If things go wrong break out a feather instead of a bat. See Nina’s post, “Woah! Easy there slugger” for a more in-depth explanation.
Remember the most important thing about any holiday is to enjoy spending time with people you care about. I have found that if I focus on the people I’m around instead of trying to find the “perfect gift” or plan the “perfect dinner”, things naturally work out better. The one thing I can always give is time. In sobriety, these moments are the ones I treasure because I lost so many in active addiction.
Tip #8: Temper Expectations
If you are a member of Alcoholics Anonymous you may have heard that expectations will get you drunk. For me, it seems impossible to live day-to-day with zero expectations. However, understanding that expectations, no matter how realistic, may not be met is important for mental and emotional health. I struggle with placing expectations on others, but the most unreasonable expectations I often place are on myself.
Whether I buy too many gifts or expect to split myself into two people to meet all the plans I make for the holidays. Although I know better, I often set goals that no human could achieve during the holiday season. I am slowly learning that my expectations cause me more grief, so I have tried to do away with as many as possible. I have found: the less I expect, the better the outcome.
If you have a particularly large family like mine. Getting everyone into the same house at the same time is amazing. Expecting a picture-perfect Hallmark moment when that happens is impossible. It is best for me to do what I can to help, but let others set the agenda and expectations for the day. That way my feelings can stay on the happier side during the holidays.
Tip #9: Stay Active
The cooler weather tends to make curling up on the couch to watch a movie or read a book so much more appealing than going for a walk, but I do try to stay active. I have found that walking, more so than any exercise, helps me clear my head and gives me an overall sense of well-being. I try to get at least a short walk every day, but during the holidays, I especially set aside time for physical activity.
There is no need to join a gym, it is easy to add a few more steps to your day. If I am shopping or running to the store for a last-minute item for a meal. I try to park a little farther away from the store or mall doors during the holidays. That’s where most of the open spots are anyway, and the walk to the store and back is an easy way to fit in a little more activity.
Staying active lessens the “blahs” that sometimes crop up during the holiday and it gives me a good excuse to get away from crowds for a minute and catch my breath.
Tip #10: Forget “FOMO”
Particularly if you are new in sobriety, remember that by being present you are not missing out. Fear Of Missing Out, especially on occasions when having a drink should be the norm for anyone, can lead an alcoholics like us down a deadly path.
One of the ways I avoid this phenomenon is to focus on all the good things that are going on around me at any given point. When I stay grateful for what I have I realize that I’m not missing out. A second trick is that I constantly remind myself that I will never, ever, ever, ever be the guy that has one cup of spiced, hard apple cider or one glass of wine with dinner. I have been there, tried that, and bought four bottles of liquor on the way home.
The thing any alcoholic or addict should keep in mind is that we fought like hell to get to this moment. There is literally nothing missing.
Tip #11: Drink (anything Other Than Alcohol)
Booze is off the list, but staying hydrated is definitely helpful during the holidays. Ask any doctor or nutritionist, drinking more water helps with brain function and an overall sense of well-being. I am guilty of being the coffee and hot chocolate drinker during the holidays, but I do always keep a bottle of water nearby when I am on the go.
I take my own drinks to parties or gatherings if I know alcohol will be served because I don’t want to be caught off guard by “harmless” spiked punch or to make the mistake of drinking from the wrong cup. Generally, I have a bottle or two of sparkling water with me everywhere I go.
As far as celebration drinks, my wife and I do find sparkling grape juice or a new type of ginger ale adds a little something extra for New Year’s Eve. As I mentioned in my “Mocktails” post earlier this year, I personally stay away from nonalcoholic beers or spirits because I don’t want to drink anything that might trick my brain into thinking alcohol is on the menu again.
Whatever you decide is right for you, make sure plenty of water is around also. Your kidneys will love you for it!
Tip #12: Stay in the Moment
Whether I am finishing a longer-than-expected day at work, relaxing with friends over a cup of coffee, or watching Tim Allen’s “The Santa Claus” movie marathon with my wife, I try to focus on what is happening right then.
It is easy for my mind to wander to tasks still uncompleted or foreshadow tomorrow’s problems. When really, in all actuality, there is nothing more important than all of the moments that make up the season. Especially, my horrendous attempts to wrap gifts, when I have tape on my ear and love in my heart. What could be more important than hot chocolate around the outdoor fire pit?
Honestly, when I think about it, even the cheesy Christmas music and 40 percent off sales that crowd the malls and shopping centers offer their own measure of joy. I can easily forget the joy that can be found in these minor frustrations if my thoughts are leaping to the future or dragging in the past. It’s important that I clear those thoughts quickly away and remind myself that this moment, right now, is why I got sober.
Whether you’re in recovery like me and looking forward to safe and sober holiday, or just a normie who is looking to survive the season unscathed, I hope these 12 tips come in handy this Christmas. And, even if things go horribly wrong: get a good night’s rest, put that day in the past, and find the precious moments to treasure when you wake the next morning.
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