Crockpot Sobriety

Estimated read time: 8 min

Today I’d like to go back in time a bit, not too far chronologically, but also a lifetime ago in my mind. The year 2018. Now keep in mind I’m not exactly what some might refer to as a centenarian, but as the late great Chris Ledoux would say “it ain’t the year’s boy, it’s the miles,” and what can I say, I’ve been to a few rodeos, so to speak.

So yeah, while 2018 was only 4 years ago, so much has happened for me since then. 2018 was a big year. A big year for a lot of people in many ways, myself included. Of course every year is a “big year” for someone, somewhere; what criteria does a year have to meet to make it  a “big year,” anyway? It’s all pretty subjective and open to interpretation, isn’t it? However, to avoid getting all philosophical and diving into the semantics of it all, I thought it might be more fun to review a few events that occurred in 2018. 

If you’ll humor me for a moment. In 2018, the first “sausage-dog” museum, dedicated to the dachshund breed, opened in Germany. Over in Denmark, the population of pigs officially outnumbered the population of humans, averaging 215 pigs for every 100 people. And let’s not forget France; what were they up to in 2018? Well, the French, they were wrapped up in, or unwrapping rather, Paris locals (and tourists) by opening up select museum tours, public parks, and restaurants to naturists, also known as nudists. 

Take a moment to pause and reflect, what were you up to in 2018? If you just so happened to be a teenager or young adult, or maybe even a parent of one at the time, you might remember the viral trend (#turkeychallenge) that lit up social media pages in November of that year. Sound familiar? 

The trend, prompted young people to text or call their parents to ask, “How long do I microwave a frozen turkey for?” College students, young people living on their own, and first time hosts and hostesses for the upcoming holiday season participated in this trend. Due to the nature of the question, it’s understandable that such inquiries struck, fear, laughter, bewilderment, and anxiety in parents everywhere. 

The responses varied from panicked urgent phone calls to avoid disaster and sarcastic remarks and playful jabs at the joke. But the answer of course was you can’t, or at-least, SHOULD NOT, microwave a frozen turkey. 

A joke, of course, this trend was pretty short-lived, but absolutely hilarious to me. I was in college at the time, still in active addiction, and would soon be finding myself on a detox unit at an inpatient treatment center. 

You may be be asking yourself, what could a viral social media trend have to do with addiction or recovery. At the start of writing this post I’ll be honest, I asked myself that very same question. See, the original plan for this post and where we are now are two totally different places, but here we are, right where we’re supposed to be. 

As I was thinking about the 2018 trend, in relation to where I was at in my life at that time, and what I know now; I have a new perspective and deeper understanding of just how naïve the question, “how long do I microwave a frozen turkey for?” really is. I mean, yes of course, culinarily, the ridiculousness of the question is obvious to anyone who has ever stepped foot in a kitchen before. My epiphany, if we want to call it that, stems from somewhere much deeper than that, perhaps a more abstract or philosophical approach.  

To be quite honest, I’m not really a fan of turkey, during Thanksgiving or otherwise. I actually much prefer ham, or even a good pot roast, if you will. Regardless, the same principle applies;  you can’t microwave a pot roast (or a turkey for that matter), and here’s why: 

A) it won’t cook evenly

– We’ve all been there, microwaving a giant plate of spaghetti, or a some casserole dish, and it sounds like World War 3 is breaking out just to pull you plate out and still have cold spots in your food. Now imagine that on a much bigger scale… not a good plan. 

B) the flavor profile will be all wrong

– Whether it be a turkey, a pot roast, or any other savory dish, the main ingredient is time and patience, right? You prep it and throw it in the oven, crockpot or what have you, and let it do it’s thing. You add the right ingredients, and it cooks low and slow, soaking in all the juices, being tenderized by all the spices and seasonings you so artistically crafted together. You start it in the morning, and by the time you make it home from work, hours later, it’s ready. Without all those steps, especially the time factor, the taste would not be the same. There’s no way you can expedite that process and expect the same quality results. 

C) It just might make you sick 

– As someone who has had salmonella poisoning (twice!) I cannot express enough just how miserable the experience is. Not only does rushing the cooking process via microwave mean that it may not cook evenly, it could also mean that it doesn’t cook at all in some spots. I feel like this probably goes without saying, but consuming raw meat puts you at risk for all different types of food-borne illnesses… that’s no Bueno friends. 

The recovery translation: 

A) Time takes time

– There’s a common saying “you can’t rush perfection,” and while there is no such thing as perfection in recovery, I think the point gets across. In order to achieve the quality we strive for in our recovery journeys, we need to be willing to take the time to get there. Rushing the process doesn’t get us there faster, it only ensures subpar outcomes. 

B) There is a difference between being sober and being chemical-free. 

– So this is a touchy subject for some folks, and that’s okay. We’re all entitled to our own opinion. From my perspective though, just not drinking or using doesn’t necessarily equate to “sobriety.” Sobriety is a state of being. It’s inner peace, serenity, and overall balance in this new way of life. In no way does it minimize the significance or monumental achievement of any length of abstinence from alcohol or drugs for people like us, but simply not drinking only implies the state of being chemical-free. A change of mind, body, and spirit is what constitutes real sobriety in my mind. 

C) Recovery is more like a crockpot meal and less like a microwave dinner. 

– Passing no judgment on people who survive on actual microwave dinners, but for the purpose of this analogy, microwave dinners are crap. They lack adequate nutritional value. They don’t satiate me, and honestly, I’m not even sure I count them as real food. A good crockpot meal, on the other hand? Nothing warms my heart and soul better than a good pot roast, or beef stew after a long day. Real meals, real food that is wholesome, hearty, and filling. That’s what I want for my belly, and more importantly, for my recovery. 

That’s been my experience and observation in recovery anyhow. We hear it all the time, when it comes to alcoholics and addicts we want, what we want, when we want it, how we want it, and usually that means right now. Unfortunately, that’s not how this recovery thing typically works. 

In active addiction, we didn’t get to our bottom overnight, and we can’t (reasonably) expect to gain substantial progress in recovery overnight either. Our progress, growth, and healing have to stew, and simmer, sit, marinate, and tenderize to get to that point where we want to be in our recovery. 

To sum it up, recovery is on crockpot time, and you can’t microwave a pot roast!

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