Nirvana… It’s Just A Band

Estimated read time: 7 min

Happiness isn’t the point…

Let me begin by saying that I am not totally ignorant in the way of cultural awareness and sensitivity. I am aware of, fully acknowledge, wholly accept, and respect Buddhism and those who follow the teachings and practice principles regarding that way of life.

So please understand, if you are Buddhist or actively practice Buddhism, this post is in no way geared towards, or targeted at you or your spiritual beliefs.  

Now that we know what it’s not about, let’s continue to what this post IS actually about. My husband (Stan) and I, per our usual meeting schedule, attended a Tuesday night meeting here recently. 

It should be noted that the group we attend on Tuesday nights isn’t technically our “homegroup,” but given the size of our small town, both groups basically consist of the same members. The major difference between the two groups, other than meeting days/times, is the fact that a local treatment center brings patients to the meetings of one group on Tuesday and Saturday nights. This is actually a large contributing factor as to why we choose Tuesdays as a meeting we attend regularly, if not weekly. 

While I can’t speak for my husband (gasp! I know), I will say that I am particularly fond of the meetings with the treatment center residents. Having alcoholics and addicts so new to recovery, so green, and just out of active addiction is exciting to me; not in some weird or twisted kind of way, but more in regard to the memories that come flooding back. 

Seeing their faces and hearing their stories, takes me back to all the same feelings I felt when I was where they are now. The newness, and excitement of it all, the learning of all of the things, the highs and lows of all the emotions I had suppressed for so long, the fellowship and networking with others in recovery, talk of the steps, and navigating the whole sponsor thing…. It was, all in all, a very exciting time! 

It’s not that I’m not still learning or excited about recovery, but for those who have a little time, maybe you’ll understand what I’m trying to say here. Being brand new to recovery, versus having a little bit of time under your belt, it’s just different is all. The excitement and vigor that happens most often in my recovery today are what I feel when that newcomer walks in the door for the very first time; right off the street or fresh from rehab. I love it! 

At some point or another we’ve all been the newcomer, myself included, obviously. Keep that in mind. I’m not poking fun at newcomers. More or less I’m just enjoying the experience of watching and listening from this side of the white chip so to speak. 

Getting back to original story, we were at this Tuesday night meeting with a crowd of about 15 people (big crowd by our town’s standards), a solid 9 of those 15 attendees being from the treatment center which was to be expected. The chair did her usual spiel, the readings were read, announcements were read, and a topic was introduced. 

If my opinion counts for anything at all (unlikely), I’d like to go on record as really having liked the topic. Originating from a reading in the Daily Reflections the focus of the meeting was presented as, “Happiness isn’t the Point.”  

While it could be considered as a fairly vague topic, anyone who’s been to a meeting knows that each person’s share will vary greatly depending on where they are in their sobriety, how long they have been in sobriety, and what’s going on in their lives outside of the rooms (that’s the beauty of the whole thing).

So yeah, “Happiness isn’t the point” could be applied to just about anything from reasons for drinking, reasons for getting sober, altruism, 12th step work, or even life itself, but that’s a different post for another time maybe. Most attendees at this meeting shared on the topic as it relates to getting sober…

My favorite share of the night (and there were some real home runs that night) was from a rather large in stature gentleman. This individual…well, just picture the living legend of Paul Bunyan, but in joggers with red hair, and incredibly soft spoken (In retrospect that great of description may jeopardize his anonymity). His share was genuine, humble, a bit comedic, and reminded me of something that I all too often seem to forget to remember. 

I won’t even attempt to quote him directly because I’m sure I would butcher it, but, essentially, he shared that he hasn’t yet reached a transcendental point in recovery, nor does he feel he has even neared approaching a state of Nirvana at his humble (no sarcasm intended) 30 some odd days clean and sober. Like I said, humble, genuine, and honest. 

At his comment of not having reached even the edge of a state of nirvana, several chuckles could be heard from various corners of the room; some from old-timers, others from more moderately reformed drunks like me with just a few years under their belt. Regardless, I’m not sure if he understood what was funny about his comment or not, but I can attempt to explain why it was so impactful for me and my recovery. 

I’m well acquainted with the concept that happiness, while a lovely by-product of recovery, is not the point of sobriety or getting sober. Happiness is simply a feeling, and like all other feelings, it comes and goes as it pleases. Being happy all the time is improbable if not completely impossible; life isn’t perfect. People aren’t flawless. Feelings will pass, and Nirvana…. is just a band. 

Recovery, sobriety, Alcoholics Anonymous, or any other 12-step program at no point in time promises, guarantees, or even alludes to the fact that anyone will or can ever reach a state of “perfect” happiness. Part of what made the Paul-Bunyan-esque newcomer’s share so humorous and touching is that he seemed to be almost embarrassed or insecure that he wasn’t at-least on the outskirts of Nirvana, as if such a state is achievable or even the goal of sobriety. 

News flash to me… it’s not. The “point” of recovery is to learn how to live life on life’s terms, to grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and by some miracle wake up every morning and go to bed every night without drinking booze at any point in between. It’s just that simple. The moment I think that I can deserve happiness, or achieve actual Nirvana is the day I start wavering from THE program and start working MY program, which has notoriously lead me through some dark and dangerous places. 

That’s my takeaway from it anyway. However, just in case, out of abundance of caution, IF no one else has told you yet, let me be the one to personally (with love of course) burst your bubble. Happiness is just a feeling, and as for Nirvana… honestly, it’s just a band. 

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